My Hero
by justkillingtime
Summary: A story of self discovery, wedding planning, and love. Izzie can't be a doctor now, Alex works too hard but the love they share for each other is stronger than ever.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: This is going to be a sequel to my story Not ****A**** Hero. If you haven't read it you should but you don't have to, to understand the story. I haven't entirely worked out the storyline, and updates may be few and far between. What this really is ****is**** a happy alternate to my other story ****Learning**** to Live because sometimes I just don't feel like writing depressing stuff. And I want to write something where Alex and Izzie are actually together.****Anysways**** if haven't read Not a Hero and don't plan to read it or have read it and want a reminder, below is a summary of what the situation was when the story ended. **

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**When the story left off.**** Alex was working as a resident specializing in neonatal surgery under the mentoring of Addison. Izzie has finally made a relatively full recovery (she's not going to get much better) from her injury. (She was shot in the head.) She still has some issues, mainly a seizure disorder, but she also has some coordination issues, she learns things slowly, and is prone to getting tired and upset easily. Hence she's no longer a doctor. She's just starting to explore the idea of working in motivational speaking. She's also speaking to her mother and trying to build a relationship there. Her best friend is a woman named Sarah who is a nurse and used to work as Izzie's carer. Oh and Alex just proposed in a cabin in the woods just outside of Chehalis.**

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Izzie sat alone in the apartment; it was Monday evening, she was waiting for Sarah to arrive, she'd invited her over so she could tell her everything. She hadn't told anyone yet, they'd got home late last night, too late for her to phone anyone. She'd only invited Sarah; she wanted Alex to be around when she told her other friends. Alex wasn't home, he wouldn't be home until tomorrow night, he was working his first overnight on-call shift since everything had happened. He said he had to work it to make up for taking the entire weekend off. It was only an hour past the time he'd usually be home but she was already missing him. Subconsciously she started twisting the engagement ring he'd given her and she told herself she was alright. She told herself it was only one night and one night was a fair price to pay for the most wonderful weekend she'd ever had.

Everything about it had been perfect and those things that weren't exactly perfect were just right, everything had fallen into place. Her presentation, it wasn't what she'd planned, it wasn't what she'd practiced but it had been so much better. The rush she'd got when it was all over, when everyone was clapping, the thought of it still made her smile. The time spent with her mother, she wasn't expecting it. Somehow the thought that her mother might show up never occurred to her. She'd been unsure about the encounter but her mother wasn't the person she remembered, she'd changed in a good way and she was looking forward to seeing her again.

But the most wonderful part of the weekend had been Alex. He was everything she needed and then some. She still couldn't believe he'd asked her to marry him, that they were engaged. She gazed down at the ring he'd given her. She still couldn't believe she had it. The ring was special; it had been her mother's engagement ring. When she was little her father used to tell her that someday a handsome young man would give her the ring and ask her to marry him. But after he died it had become the most sentimentally valued piece of jewelry her mother owned. She didn't think her mother would ever part with it, especially since it had been years since they'd spoken. Apparently Alex had been talking to her for weeks though and when he'd told her he intended to ask her daughter to marry him she'd showed up at the hospital the next day with a box holding the ring. The ring was small, he'd planned on buying something much bigger but she'd told him he should give this ring to her. She'd said to him. "Give Isobel this ring, she'll recognize it, she'll know what it is, it's better than anything you could possibly buy." Which was true nothing could ever measure up to this.


	2. Chapter 2

Izzie jumped when she heard the knock on the front door. Sarah had finally arrived, she slipped the bridal magazine she'd been flipping through under the cushion and went to answer the door.

"How was the weekend?" Sarah asked giving Izzie a welcoming hug.

"Alright." Izzie smiled but she couldn't hide how amazing it had been, she was smiling way too much.

"Just alright?"

"Okay it was amazing." A glow radiated from Izzie's face as she led Sarah over to the sofa and they sat down.

She began describing everything that had happened that weekend. Sarah smiled back at her and asked her more questions. They talked a lot about the presentation, about the adrenalin rush, she went around and around in circles trying to find the right words to describe the way it made her feel. Sarah understood what she was saying though; she said she'd seen it happened before with her brother.

Then she started talking about everything that Alex had done for her. The picnic, her mother, the other schools he'd arranged for her to talk at. She left the news of the engagement to the very end.

"After we left the trailer, I thought we were going home but we went the other way. He wouldn't tell me where we were going, he said it was a surprise and then he pulled the car up in this clearing; it was so dark I couldn't see anything. He told me to wait in the car and then lights came on and there was this tiny cabin. He took me inside and…" Her voice trailed off as she closed her eyes and pictured the scene.

"It sounds nice." Sarah offered.

"It was very nice." Izzie said opening her eyes. "Inside there was a fire and table set for dinner. The food was so good and then there was desert." She paused to try and think of the right words to say. "We didn't eat desert, Alex he umm…" She'd had her hand covering her ring during the entire conversation but now she moved her hand away. The ring shone and Sarah saw it immediately. "He asked me to marry him."

The words came out of her mouth in a flurry; Sarah took her hand and began looking at the ring. "It's beautiful." She told her.

"It was my mothers."

For the rest of the evening the two women chatted about everything but they talked a lot about this up coming wedding. They talked dates and locations, dresses, food. Sarah was almost as excited about it as Izzie.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex used his fork to taste some of the hospital cafeteria food. "This is disgusting." He said swallowing it with a gulp.

The others looked at him and laughed. "You Alex have been spoilt." Meredith laughed at him. "The food is exactly the same as it's always been."

"I swear it wasn't this bad." This was the first time in months that he'd eaten dinner in the cafeteria. He pushed the plate away and pulled a large piece of chocolate cake out of his bag.

"No," George started saying with a mouth full of food. "It's always been this bad. You're just used to eating everything Izzie makes."

"Perhaps." Alex bit into the cake, there was no denying Izzie could cook, it was one of those thing which once she started doing again she didn't stop, and she kept getting better.

"Speaking of Izzie," Meredith began, "How was the weekend?"

A smile came across Alex's face. He took his time to eat the cake, he had to find a way to describe the weekend without sounding….words couldn't describe the weekend, it had been incredible.

"Izzie was amazing." He began. "She was so nervous, but she did so well, she got these kids attention, she got them to listen to her and I think she may have even got through to some of them." He paused; he didn't usually talk like this, not with his friends. "She's come so far." That was one thing no one was going to argue with him. Nine months ago, they thought she was going to die, eight months ago she didn't even know who she was.

"And what about after?" Meredith asked. She knew all about Alex's plans for after the school visit. He'd run every idea past her because, the truth was he'd been nervous about it and he'd wanted it to be perfect.

"Everything went exactly the way it was supposed to." He smiled and took another bite of the cake. If his friends wanted details he wasn't going to give them to them. "Iz wants to have a dinner party at the end of the week to tell you all."

"Nice." George smiled; the previous talk about food had him thinking about Izzie's cooking. It was one of the things he missed about her.

"But," Alex began to add. "She thinks you all don't know about everything. So when she tells you, you have to look surprised."


	4. Chapter 4

Alex walked with an extra bounce in his step, as he made his way up the stairs to the apartment. He couldn't have been in a better mood. At work that day he'd helped save the life of a mother and her baby, and now he was finally home. He was interested to see how Izzie had gone without him, the last two days was the longest they'd been apart since she'd been shot. She hadn't phoned though, he took that to be good sign, hopefully she'd been able to entertain herself.

-8-8-8-8-  
Izzie sat on the sofa flipping through the bridal magazine they'd brought at the gas station when they'd driven home two days earlier. She'd lost count of the number of times she'd already read it but she couldn't put it down. She was so excited about the idea of a wedding, her wedding. She couldn't wait for Alex to get home, she had lots of ideas she wanted to shear.

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"Alex!" Izzie cried as soon as she heard his key turning in the lock. She jumped up off the sofa and went to the door. She was only a few steps away from it when the door opened. Alex had his head down fiddling with his keys, as he stepped into their apartment. He didn't even have a chance to place his bag down before she planted a kiss on the side of his face.

The kiss surprised Alex; he wasn't expecting such a warm welcome. "You missed me?" He asked as Izzie pulled away.

"Maybe a little." She smiled back at him, and she walked into their kitchen. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah." He called back, throwing his bag onto the ground and following her into the kitchen. She'd gone to the sink and was washing her hands. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, he kissed her just below her ear. "What have you made?"

She turned in his arms and kissed him again. "I've made pumpkin soup, and scones, and muffins, and apple crumble."

"Sounds good." Alex smiled, as Izzie slid past him and opened the fridge.

"Sit down; I'll heat some up for you."

Alex sat down at the table and watched Izzie pull a pot of soup from the fridge and place it on the stove. As he watched a large smile crept across his face. As much as he loved his job he loved being home as well. He loved being with Izzie and watching her do anything. He still had very vivid memories from when she'd been sick, and it still amazed him how far she'd come.

"So, Iz what else did you do while I was at work?" He asked as she walked over to the table and sat down beside him.

"Oh, not a lot." She rested her hands on the table and began playing with her ring. "Sarah came over last night. I told her all about the weekend and then we talked a lot about the wedding. She was almost as excited as I am, it was so much fun. I have so many ideas."

"I bet you do." Alex laughed. He was excited about the wedding too but his excitement was more of a byproduct of Izzie's, he didn't really care how it happened. "Oh I brought you something."

Izzie watched as Alex stood up from the table and walked over to his bag. He reached into it and pulled out a magazine. "I saw it in the gift shop, I thought you might like a different one." He placed the magazine on the table and sat down again. He'd brought another bridal magazine.

Alex watched as Izzie looked down at the magazine he'd placed in front of her, she instantly realized what it was and her eyes began to light up. "Thank you!" She cried and she stood up and threw her arms around him. She kissed him once and then pulled away. "I think the soup is ready." She said and she walked back into the kitchen.

She ladled the soup into two bowls and carried them to the table, then she went back and collected the cheese and pepper.

"I hope it tastes okay." She said dipping her spoon in, I made it this morning but I haven't tasted it yet.

"I'm sure it's fine." Alex smiled dipping his spoon in, he swallowed his first mouth full and smiled. "Yep, it's good."

"Good." Izzie took another mouthful and the two of them just sat there for a few minutes eating. "Alex," Izzie asked after a while. "Did you ask Meredith, and George, and Christina, over for dinner at the end of the week?"

"Yes, they said they'd be here."

"Good." She smiled. "I can't wait to tell them we're getting married."


	5. Chapter 5

"What are you cooking?" Alex asked as he stumbled into the kitchen. It was Sunday morning and he'd been trying to sleep in but the smell of something he couldn't quite identify kept wafting into the bedroom from the kitchen.

"Nothing special." Izzie replied and he watched her slide another baking dish into the oven. "I'm just getting things ready for tonight. Everyone is still coming aren't they?"

Alex watched the moment of doubt cross Izzie's face, that hint of fear. She's asked him on Tuesday if they were coming, and on Tuesday they were but she remembered enough about the hospital to know things didn't always continue like planed.

"As far as I know everyone is still coming." He told her and he sat down in on one of the kitchen chairs.

"Good." She smiled at him and turned to the pantry, she pulled out a bag of potatoes and began pealing them on the bench.

Alex lent back in the chair and watched Izzie's hands twist around the potatoes as she removed their skins. She'd peeled three before she said anything else to him. "Alex catch." She said and she threw a potato at him. He didn't react fast enough and the potato fell to the ground and started rolling away. He made no attempt to chase after it, he just sat there watching it and listened to Izzie begin to laugh.

"Lets try that again." She said holding up another potato. She threw a high loopy pass to him which he caught easily.

"What is this for?" he asked holding up the potato.

She smiled at him and reached into a draw and pulled out another peeler. "If you're going to sit there you may as well help." And she threw the peeler at him too.

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For the rest of the day Alex watched Izzie prepare dinner, a few times she tried to get him to help but he always found a reason not to, or he'd start to help and after a few minutes Izzie would take the job away from him because he wasn't doing it right. She wanted everything to be perfect and she was so excited to have everyone come over, she couldn't wait to tell them her and Alex were getting married.

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Izzie glanced up at clock, it was almost 7pm and no one was there yet. She was starting to get worried; everyone was supposed to be there at six. She walked over to the oven and checked the meat and veggies again. The veggies looked like they were starting to burn and the meat was starting to dry out. "Shit" she whispered quietly under her breath, and she turned the oven off. Things weren't going the way they were meant to, her beautiful meal was starting to spoil.

"Alex," He was sitting on the sofa watching the television, he wasn't worried. "Are you sure they're still coming?"

"They'll be here." He said without looking at her. His assurance didn't calm her.

"Can you phone them and find out when?"

She picked up the phone and walked it over to him. She held it out for him and he looked up at her and smiled. "They'll be here." He told her again. "Just sit down, try and relax."

"I can't relax." She said and for the first time that day he heard a slight quiver in her voice. "Please just phone them, I need to know what to do with the food. It's starting to burn."

"Okay." Alex reached for Izzie's out stretched hand and pulled her down onto the sofa. She fell down on top of him and he kissed the side of her neck before she was able to settle beside him.

"Please Alex, phone them for me." She asked him again.

"Okay, Iz." He took the phone from her hands and started dialing the numbers. He tired Meredith, and George and finally Christina but none of them answered.

"They're not coming are they?" Izzie asked as Alex hung up the phone for the third time. She looked like she was about to cry, her eyes were filling with water, and then the tears started running down her face.

"Iz, don't cry." He wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her against his side. "They're coming. They're probably on their way now."

"I'm not crying." She used her hand to wipe the tears from her face. "It's just they were supposed to be here an hour ago. I had everything ready and now it's all burning and drying out."

"I'm sure it's still fine." He said gently kissing the top of her head. "You're too much of a perfectionist."

"I'm not a perfectionist." She paused to think of the next thing to say. "It's just, I wanted everything to be perfect, and it was, and now it's all getting ruined."

"Iz," Alex stood up and walked over to the oven. He bent down and pulled the two baking dishes out and placed them on the bench. "It looks fine." He picked up one of the potatoes and bit into it. "It taste…" He was meant to say good but suddenly he felt the inside of his mouth burning, "hot!" He cried and he spat the potato back into his hand pulled the jug of water from the fridge.

Izzie watched Alex spit the food back into his hand and begin gulping down a glass of water. She stood up and walked into the bedroom.

"Izzie." She heard Alex call after her but she kept walking. She closed the door behind her, and then lay down on the bed and began sobbing. This night was meant to be fun, she'd been looking forward to it all week and now it was turning to mush.

Alex watched Izzie walk into the bedroom, he felt horrible, this was clearly upsetting her and there wasn't much he could do. He was about to go after her and try to cheer her up when he heard a knock at the front door. Meredith, George and Christina had finally decided to show up.

"Alex!" Meredith smiled at him when he opened the front door. She gave him a quick hug and pulled a bottle of champagne from her bag. "I brought this to have with dinner."

"Thanks." Alex smiled taking the bottle from her. "Where have you guys been?"

"What do you mean?" There was a look of slight confusion on all their faces.

"You're late."

George looked down at his watch. "Only like five minutes."

"Five minutes?" Now Alex was the one looking confused. "You were supposed to be here at six."

"No Alex you told us seven."

"I did?" It took a moment for the realization to hit, he had told them seven. "Shit I told Izzie six."

"Oh." His three friends looked back at him, he was in trouble. "Where is Izzie?"

"She's in the bedroom. She's a bit upset; she thought you guys weren't coming."

"Oh." Christina let a small smile cross her face. "You've messed this up haven't you?"

"Yeah." Alex sighed, messed up was a nice way to put it. "I'm going to go talk to her, just make yourself comfortable I'll be out soon."

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Alex walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind him. The room was dark, he could just make out Izzie's outline laying on the bed.

"Izzie," he said very quietly as he sat down next to her. "Everyone is here. There seems to have been a bit of a communication problem, they didn't think they were meant to be here until seven."

"Oh." She rolled over onto her back and looked up at him. "You told me they were coming at six."

"I know, I'm sorry." He held out his hand for her. "Please come out." She didn't say anything to him for the longest moment then she took his hand.

"Okay." She said sitting up on the bed. She turned on the bedside light and used her hands to wipe the tears from her face. "Do I look okay?"

"You look beautiful." And he pulled her all the way to her feet and they walked out the room together.

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"George!" Meredith hissed, as she slapped the back of his hand. He'd been eyeing off the dish of roasted veggies and was just about to take one of the potatoes.

"What! I'm hungry."

"Wait. Alex will be back with Izzie in a minute and then we can eat."

"Fine." He sounded like a puppy, he didn't think Izzie would mind if he took a bite early but Meredith seemed to think it was a problem.

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Izzie walked out the bedroom behind Alex. She did her best to put a smile on her face. Alex had said it was his fault they were late not their fault. She wasn't allowed to be mad at her friends and tonight was supposed to be a happy night.

"Hey guys." She smiled doing her best to look happy, well not look sad.

"Hey Iz," Meredith and George both walked over to her and gave her a hug, Christina stayed where she was and gave her a wave.

"How've you been?"

"How did the talk go last Friday?"

They both fired questions at her; she sucked in a breath and smiled. "It went really well." She said letting the smile spread across her face. "I've just got to make up some gravy and then we can eat and I'll tell you about it."

She walked into the kitchen and carefully lifted the roast lamb from the baking dish and onto a serving plate then she began adding ingredients to the juices at the bottom of the dish to make the gravy. It only took her a few minutes and then they were ready to eat.

She poured the gravy into a small gravy boat and sat it on the center of the table between the dish of roasted veggies and the plate holding the entire roast and a pair of tongs.

"I hope it still tastes alright." She smiled when everyone was seated. "Alex told me you were coming at six so it's been ready for over an hour."

"It's delicious," George smiled at her between mouthfuls of food. "You are a wonderful cook."

"Thanks." She felt herself begin to blush, she still wasn't quite sure how to take compliments like that.

They all continued to eat in silence for a few minutes. To varying degrees they'd all been taught not to talk with their mouths full which as a consequence led to less talk when they were all hungry. But Meredith got the conversation going again.

"So Izzie," She began asking. "Tell us about the weekend, how did it all go?" She wanted Izzie to hurry up and tell them, her and Alex were engaged. Alex had told them they weren't supposed to know about it, that Izzie wanted to tell them herself. They did know about it though, Alex had asked for their help in planning it all. Meredith really wanted to give Izzie a big hug and tell her congratulations, tell her she was happy for her and ask her what the engagement ring looked like. Alex had described the ring to them, but his description didn't seem to do it justice.

"It turned out really well." She smiled. "There were a few problems in the morning but everything turned out okay."

"Why what happened?"

"I forgot to pack her cue cards." Alex broke into the conversation. "We had to try and remember the speech and rewrite the cards while we were at lunch. She didn't end up using what we wrote though. She tore the sheets of paper up on the middle of the stage and then pulled up a chair and just talked."

"Wow."

"Yeah. I was a little worried there for a bit when she did that but the talk was amazing. I saw a few people cry. It was…"His voice trailed off and he looked over at Izzie and smiled. It wasn't often that he talked like this but he wanted Izzie and everyone else to know how proud he was, how much he loved her. "Words can't describe how good it was."

"Wow." Christina used her fork to take more veggies. "It sounds like you might have found your new calling."

"Maybe." Izzie was blushing again. "There are a few more schools I've been talking to who'd like me to come there and talk."

"Really?"

"That's heaps good."

"Yeah it's been a busy week. I guess I'll see what happens."

"Yeah." The conversation died off again. They continued eating before Meredith asked another question. "So what else happened this weekend?" She asked looking Alex straight in the eye with a look she hoped said _come on tell us already._

Alex reached under the table and placed his hand on Izzie's leg, he gave her a small squeeze and looked her in the eyes and gave her a small nod. He hoped she knew what he was suggesting, that it was time to tell them. Fortunately she worked it out.

"Well," Izzie began, as a smile spread across her face and her cheeks turned pink. "Alex and I are getting married."

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Izzie had been waiting all week to tell her friends about the engagement. She'd been excited and was looking forward to seeing their reaction but what she got wasn't what she had hoped for. The reaction she got was almost a non reaction.

"Congratulations" they all said after a moment and they raised a toast to them. Meredith asked if she could look at the ring, George asked if they'd set a date, but no one asked how it went, no one asked how it happened.

The conversation eventually drifted back to the hospital, they began talking about the cases they'd had all week, and exchanged gossip about the people they worked with. Izzie couldn't help but feel a little left out, and when it came time for everyone to go she didn't mind. It had been a good night but not what she had hoped for, not what she had made it out to be like in her head.

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"They already knew did they?" She asked Alex as they both got ready for bed.

He didn't answer at first; he thought about lying to her but decided it wasn't such a good idea.

"Yes they knew," He told her. "They helped me plan the proposal."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were so excited about telling them. I wanted you to be able to tell them."

"That was because I thought they didn't know." She sat down on the bed and pulled herself under the covers. "Don't do that again." She wanted to be mad at him but all she felt was hurt and disappointment. "Don't keep things from me because you think it's best. It would have been better if I'd known. I would have planned things differently; I would have expected something different."

"Tonight didn't go how you hoped it would?"Alex slipped into the bed beside her and gave her a kiss.

"It was good, it just wasn't what I expected, it wasn't what I had in my head." She rolled over in the bed so her back was to him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into her ear. "I was just trying to protect you. I won't do it again."

She didn't say anything back; she just reached for his arm and pulled it tightly around her. Even when she wanted to be mad at him she still wanted him to hold her.


	6. Chapter 6

Izzie sat on the sofa of her home, on her lap she balanced a laptop and spread beside lay a mass of papers and photos. She was going to her second school presentation in two weeks and she was trying to get it organized. She was trying to work out what she wanted to say, well more how she wanted to say it. She knew what she wanted to say, she wanted to inspire but she wasn't quite sure how to do that. This school was different for Chehalis, at this school she wouldn't be one of 'them', she'd be that stranger from somewhere else, the exact person she'd said she wasn't last time.

Still was wanted to relate to these kids, she wanted them to know her and know that she might be from somewhere else but she was still like them. The photos had been Alex's idea. One night she was talking with him about it, asking him for ideas and he'd said photos might help, she could show them her. It was a good idea in theory, in practice it was a little harder. She didn't have a lot of photos, as a child and a teenagers her family didn't own much of a camera. The only photos were ones taken by her grandmother and they'd been put away many many years ago. She'd spent a week with her mother at the trailer searching through boxes and had only managed to find a few. There was a single photo of her when she'd been pregnant. The truth was she was surprised when she found that photo, it wasn't a chapter of her life she'd been planning on remembering. But there was one, she wasn't looking at the camera in it, instead she seemed to be starting into space, gazing out across the river, her hands resting on her swollen belly. There was an artistic beauty to the photo and it made her wondered who'd taken it.

From after she'd left home there was a plethora of photos. As she started to make something of herself, as she started to get some where with her life she'd wanted to capture the moments. It also helped that she'd made her living by being in front of the camera. There were a lot of photos of her modeling but that wasn't what she wanted to talk about. There were photos of her at med school, she liked the picture from her graduation, it was a real symbol of making things happen, so were the photos of her as a doctor. She was going to build it up to that, try and give a sense that anything can be achieved if you put your mind to it and then she was going to bring everything crashing down. She was going to show these kids that horrible things do happen, but that doesn't have to mean it's the end, it's just something you have to deal with. She had photos from when she was sick, someone at the hospital had taken them, Alex didn't know who but he remembered getting angry at them when they were doing it. They took the photos anyway, said some day they might want to look at them. She was glad she had them, but she didn't like looking at them. They were graphic representations of how close she'd come to death, and how much pain she had gone through to recover. They sent chills through her body, but in this instant that was just what she needed.

She had everything she needed to put together a good presentations but that didn't make it easy. She was having trouble keeping track of her thoughts and concentrating. She wished she wasn't home alone, Alex was good at helping her, keeping her on track, but he was at work. He'd been working more and more these last few weeks. He never used to work overnight, he used to always be home for dinner, but that wasn't the case anymore. He no longer turned down extra work, emergency surgeries, he said it was because he needed to take every opportunity offered to him if he wanted to be a great doctor. She knew he was telling the truth, she remembered how cut throat the work was and how important being there was. He never said it out loud, he never tried to make her feel bad but she knew he had given up a lot for her, she knew there had been a period of time where he put his life on hold for her, and for even longer it had moved in slow motion. She loved him for that and she understood how now he couldn't keep doing that, that he need to move faster, he was a doctor, to be a doctor you had to move fast, she understood that because there was a part of her that still wanted to be that doctor, there was a time when she had been like that too. It didn't stop her missing him though, it didn't stop her wishing he was home. She closed her computer and scooped up the papers and photos, she wasn't getting anywhere, she was too tired. She placed all her things on the floor and lay down on the sofa, she turned on the television and flicked it over to Discovery Health, she didn't know what was on, it didn't really matter, everything on there fascinated her and soon she'd fallen asleep.

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Alex pulled the gift box from is bag and opened it. He ran his fingers along the silver bracelet and pendent inside and smiled. The bracelet was for Izzie, he'd ordered it for her weeks a go and for the last three days he'd been carrying it around in his bag. He'd been waiting for an opportunity to give it to her but this week there hadn't been one, he hadn't got home before midnight once and he'd been leaving the home before Izzie was awake. All he'd done this week was see her sleep. Tonight he would give it to her though, it was only seven o'clock and he was about to walk out the door.

He was almost at the door when his pager went off. He thought about ignoring it but he was trained not to ignore pages totally. He picked up the small black pager and looked down at the screen. "911 L423" the small screen read. "Shit" he swore under his breath and he turned and ran back into the hospital.

The patient was a woman he'd been monitoring for the last few days with preeclampsia, when he'd checked on her an hour ago she'd seemed stable and ready to turn in for the night. She wasn't stable now though, in the last hour her blood pressure had spiked and her preeclampsia had just escalated to elcampsia. At 34 weeks the safest and best option now was to get the baby out. He yelled at someone to book an OR for an emergency C-section and then he went out into the corridor to phone Izzie, he had to tell her he wasn't going to be home till late, again.

-8-8-8-8-

It was almost 1am by the time Alex was ready to leave again. His patients were both stable and doing well.

"I have an RDO tomorrow." He told one of the residents on his way out. "Page someone else if they get into trouble."

Alex turned and once again started heading for the locker rooms he picked up his bag and headed straight for the door. This time he wouldn't even bother changing he just wanted to get home. He wanted to see Izzie again even though now she'd be asleep. The drive home was only short, in less than five minutes, he was home and letting himself inside the apartment. Inside the lights and the television were still on.

"Izzie," he called quietly walking into the apartment and closing the door behind him. He glanced quickly towards the kitchen but he wasn't expecting her to be there. Every night this week he'd come home to find her sleeping on the sofa, with some Discovery Health documentary playing on the TV. He thought it was kind of cute but he didn't like having to wake her every night to get her into bed.

For now he left her on the sofa and got himself ready for bed. He had a quick shower and changed into some pajamas, he turned off the television and most of the lights.

"Iz," he said softly, giving her a gentle shake. "I'm home. Let's go to bed." She moaned a little as he pulled her to her feet but she didn't seem to really wake up. He held onto her as he walked her to the bedroom and tucked her into bed. "Goodnight Iz," he whispered to her before turning off the last light.

-8-8-8-8-

A rostered day off meant Alex could sleep in, he didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn but his body was so used to it he couldn't sleep in, not really sleep in. It was almost 8am and the sun was just starting to seep into the room. Alex lay awake in the bed watching Izzie sleep. He liked watching her sleep, she always seemed to look very calm and peaceful. He moved closer to her and kissed her below the ear, he wasn't trying to wake her but he hoped the kiss might do just that. It felt like it had been so long since he'd really spoken to her, seen her for that matter. He'd been working insane hours for the last few weeks, trying to clock as many OR hours as possible. The weeks he'd spent off work were finally catching up to him, no one minded and he wasn't penalized as such for taking time off when Izzie was sick but now his situation was quite simple he was hundreds of OR hours behind everyone else in his year and there was some serious catch up he needed to do in order to finish with everyone else.

After a moment Izzie let out a soft moan and blinked open her eyes. "Alex," She whispered when she saw him laying beside her, a smile started to spread across her face and her eyes lit up. "Why are you still here?"

"It's my day off." He pulled her closer to him and kissed her again, he held her in his arms just long enough to feel her begin to melt. "Are you hungry?" he asked pulling away a little.

"Just for you." She smiled before kissing him again. "I've been longing to do that all week."

"Me too." He gave her one more small kiss before pulling himself away. "How about I make you breakfast and then we spend the whole day in bed."

"I'd like that." She let him roll away and walk out the bedroom.

-8-8-8-8-

In the kitchen Alex pulled out a frying pan, the eggs, bacon, tomatoes, and mushrooms. He loved cooking breakfast, it was a meal he could do well and he loved the smell of all the foods. This would also give him the perfect opportunity to give Izzie the bracelet. He cooked the food and lay it out on two plates, he sat the plates on a tray with the gift box between them. He carried the tray into the bedroom. He smiled when he realized Izzie had fallen asleep again.

"Izzie," He called to her. "Breakfast is ready."

She opened her eyes just a he was placing the tray on the bed. The first thing she saw was the gift box. Her eyes lit up and she reached out to grab it then changed her mind, instead she sat there staring at it.

"It's for you." Alex told her as he picked the box up. He opened it for her and showed her the bracelet inside. "I've been working lots of hours these last few weeks and that's probably not going to change anytime soon. I hoped this might give you some more confidence to get out on your own a bit." He pulled the bracelet from the box and showed the pendent to Izzie.

She recognized the emblem on the front of it, a snake coiled around a staff, the symbol for medicine. He turned the pendent over and showed her the back, engraved across the centre of it were the letters 'GSW' and the word 'epilepsy'. Across the top was a phone number and at the bottom another series of numbers. "If something happens while you're out, if you get sick, this will tell people what's wrong and someone will be able to contact me."

She took the bracelet from his hands and ran her fingers across the pendent, it wasn't the type of present she was expecting but it was perfect, it was what she needed. "Thank you." She smiled and she held her wrist out for Alex to clip the bracelet on.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex lay on his back in the bed, one arm he rested behind his head and the other he had wrapped around Izzie. She was lying in the bed beside him, her head resting against his arm. With her fingers she was running small rings around the scar on his shoulder. He watched her fingers move and the look of fascination across her face, she seemed to be mesmerized by the scar, almost as if she'd never seen it before, but she had to have seen it.

"Alex," He listened as the words began coming out of her mouth. "How did you get this?"

She'd asked the question before, not of that scar but other marks on his body. Sometimes it would almost seem as if she was mapping his body, trying to remember everything about it. She'd never asked of that scar though and he'd always thought it was because she knew. How could have she known though, she hardly remembered anything from that time. He didn't answer her, he couldn't quite articulate what to say, instead he ran his fingers through her hair and a long her scalp, he was feeling for the scars he knew she had.

"I got this, the same night you got these." He told her, finding the spot on her head he often saw her rubbing.

"Oh." Her fingers stopped moving mid-circle; she pulled her hand away and rested it against her chest. "I'm sorry." She seemed to be more shaken by his response than he was to the question. She wasn't expecting that answer, he knew that, usually he would tell her an exciting story, he would embellish the details and watch her face light up with excitement. But he couldn't do that with this scar, he wouldn't embellish, he didn't want to make the story exiting, he didn't want to talk about it, and neither did Izzie.

"You don't need to be sorry." He told her and he rolled her onto her back. He lent over her and gave her a long deep kiss. She kissed him back and for a long time they didn't talk, not until the uncomfortable moment had been forgotten.

More hours ticked past and in what seemed like no time it was early afternoon.

"Alex, are we really going to spend all day in bed?" Izzie asked. She liked being in bed, she loved being with Alex but there were things she needed to do and things she wanted Alex's help with.

"Only if you want to." He told her, rolling over to kiss her again. She let him kiss her but when he tried to play more she rolled away.

"I need your help with some things."

He watched her climb from the bed and disappear into the living area, he didn't follow her, he knew she'd be back, and a minute later she was. In her hands she carried a stack of papers and pamphlets. She climbed back into the bed and began spreading them out between them; each one was for a different church in Seattle.

"I picked these up the other week with my mom, and a few with Sarah." She started telling him. "They seem to look nice but I want your help picking the one we're going to get married in."

"Oh," This wasn't the type of help Alex was expecting her to ask of him. He looked at the papers across the bed and picked up one he could reach easily. "I think this one," he said holding it up.

She pulled the paper from his hand placed it back on the bed. "You're not supposed to pick one like that, we need to go look at them, see what they're really like."

"Oh, you want to go looking at churches?" The words came out of his mouth slowly; church shopping wasn't exactly his idea of fun.

"Yes." She smiled at him. "We really need to work out where we want to get married so we can set a date."

"Of course." He rolled out the bed and held out his hand, he wrapped it around Izzie's and pulled her from the bed. "Then let's get ready to go." He smiled and began leading her to the bathroom.


	8. Chapter 8

"This isn't right." Izzie sighed.

She was standing with Alex in the seventh church they'd visited that afternoon, seven churches and none of them were right. In the pamphlets they all looked beautiful, they looked like things from dreams but they weren't right, they weren't what she wanted.

"Lets go then." Alex told her, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and started leading her out the church.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Finding a church was harder than Alex anticipated. He'd agreed to go with Izzie because he thought it would be simple, he thought Izzie already knew what she wanted and he'd just need to approve it but she didn't know what she wanted. There was something wrong with every church they visited, at least according to her there was, he wasn't sure what, he didn't know what she was looking for but whatever it was they weren't finding it.

"We'll find somewhere." He told her as they walked out of their ninth church for the afternoon.

"What if we can't, what if there isn't a place?" He listened to the words came out of her mouth in a sad deflated tone. She wanted so badly to find that perfect church and it didn't seem to be out there.

"We'll find somewhere." He told her again, positive thinking was the best way to handle her. "How about we take a break for a while, maybe get some juice?"

He thought a break would be good, it might give them a chance to regroup and at the very least it would delay entering another church. He walked her down the street towards a juice bar he'd seen on the drive down. He ordered them each 'passion mango' smoothies and they sat down at one of the tables.

He watched Izzie quietly sip her drink; she looked sad and dejected, "What if we can't find somewhere?" She asked again and looked right at him as if begging him for answers.

"We could get married in a garden." He suggested. "There are lots of beautiful gardens around. We don't have to get married in a church."

"Yes we do." Her reply sounded almost defensive. "I want to get married in a church."

"Okay, why?" He tried to throw the question out as casually as possible, but he missed the mark a little.

"Because – " The words trailed from Izzie's mouth, she'd never really considered why she wanted to get married in a church, the times she had actually stepped inside one in the last ten, twelve, fourteen years were few and far between but still, whenever she pictured her wedding she was always in a church.

"What is it about a church that is so important?" He asked the question to try and get her talking. He didn't understand the importance of the church, he'd never been to one, he wasn't raised that way so he didn't understand what she was looking for. "Maybe if you tell me what is important I can think of somewhere."

"I don't know." She didn't like the question, he could tell by the tone of her voice. "I just want to."

"Okay," He tried to sooth. "I'm not suggesting we get married somewhere else. I understand you want to get married in a church; I understand it's important to you. I just want to know why so I can help. There is more to what you want than just a church, if all you wanted was a church we could have booked the first one we walked into but you said it wasn't right you said it wasn't what you wanted. So what is it that you want Iz?"

"I don't know." That was the frustrating part she really didn't know what she wanted, she didn't quite know what it was about the churches she'd visited that wasn't right.

"Okay then." He took in a deep breath and tired to find another question to get her talking, he needed her to talk to him, tell him so he could find it, he wanted her to be happy he wanted to give her what she wanted. "When you see our wedding what do you see? In your head what do you think of when you think of your wedding?"

"I…" He watched her close her eyes and try to conjure up images in her head. "I see a church with white walls, and wooden pews, a small church with every pew full, I see you, you are all I see and I feel warm, I feel like I'm at home, I…"

As the words spilled from Izzie's mouth Alex began to conjure up his own images and he saw somewhere. "I've got an idea." He told her told her. "Come on." He pulled her from her seat and started walking her back to the car.

-8-8-8-8-8-

"Where are we going?" Izzie asked as Alex pulled the car out of the previous churches parking lot and started driving down the road.

"To a church." He smiled at her. "One I think might be just right."

"Really?" She couldn't quite believe that Alex had a church in mind, she didn't think he'd thought about it. "Which church?"

"You'll see." He smiled at her and began navigating the car onto the highway.

Soon they were driving away from the city; they were leaving behind the hustle and bustle, the historic churches and heading into the country.

"Alex where are we going?" she asked again.

"Just look, you'll see." She didn't know what he meant but she looked out the window, she stared at the street signs, she was trying to find something she recognized, something she could place but she didn't see it.

"I don't see." She told him.

"You will," He told her again. "You'll work it out before we get there."

She kept staring out the window and after an hour of driving, she saw something, she worked out where they were driving to. "Alex, are we going to Chehalis?"

"Yes," he smiled at her again, a light shone from his eyes. "You said you wanted to feel home. I saw this little church in front of your trailer park. I thought it might be worth looking at."

"Yes." A smile began to spread across her face. She hadn't thought of the small church from her home town, she hadn't even considered it. She closed her eyes and tried to conjure up memories in her head. She tried to remember what the church looked like, it had been such an important part of her childhood, it had been her refuge and her safe place. She kept her eyes closed and soon they were pulling up into the churches parking lot.

"We're here." She heard him say, "Let take a look."

She held his hand as they walked the few steps toward the front of the church, at the front door she paused.

"It's been fourteen years since I was here." She whispered at the door. He wrapped his hand tightly around hers.

"That's okay." He whispered to her, and he opened the door.

They took one step inside and she let out a small gasp. This was it, this was the place from her dreams, this was the place in her head. "This is it." She told him, "This is it."

He gave her hand a small squeeze and smiled at her. "I thought it might be." He whispered and he led her further into the church.


	9. Chapter 9

Inside the church was even smaller than it looked, there was a claustrophobic feeling to it Alex thought. He didn't like churches but Izzie did, or at least she liked this church, she didn't see it as claustrophobic she saw it as warm.

"Hello, can I help you?" Alex looked up and saw a man he could only assume was the priest or minister or whatever you call them standing at the other end of the room.

"Umm…yeah I think you can." Alex called out and he walked closer to the man. "My name is Alex and this is my fiancé Isobel. We'd like to get married here."

He held out his hand in offer of a hand shake. The man took it firmly in his own and shook it hard

"You want to get married here?" There was a look of shock and confusion on his face, obviously the church wasn't known for its weddings.

"Yes," The word came from Izzie's mouth this time. "I grew up here."

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Izzie took a step closer to the man standing in front of her and smiled she was starting to recognize him and as she watched him she saw the moment he recognized her.

"Cricket?" He said smiling. "Wow, you're all gown up."

"Yeah," She smiled at him. The man standing in front of her was about ten years older; he'd lived in the trailer park with her and babysat her sometimes when she was little. When she was ten he'd moved away though, the rumor that went around town was that he'd joined the army. She didn't think that was true, she'd never picked as an army guy but it didn't matter, he was gone and she'd lost the closest thing she ever had to a big brother. "What are you doing here?" Seeing him had caught her for a loop, for some reason she was expecting to see the old man who'd been there when she was a child. She wasn't expecting her old friend, when people left the town they didn't usually come back.

"I'm taking care of this place." He waved his hand around the room. "I took over about six years ago. What are you doing here?"

"We want to get married here." Alex cut into their conversation, he'd been feeling a little uncomfortable being stuck in the middle of their reminiscing.

"Here?" Even with the man knowing who Izzie was the idea of getting married in his church still seemed strange.

"Yes, we've been looking at churches all day and this is the only one which feels right."

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

"Can we go tell mom? I want to tell my mom." Izzie said to Alex the moment they stepped outside the church. They'd just spent the last hour in there talking with the priest about having a wedding there. They'd talked about dates and times and what was possible for the ceremony.

In truth it had all been very over whelming for Alex, he didn't realize there was so much involved in the ceremony, he thought it was all just 'I do' and that was the end of it. He couldn't have been more wrong though and Izzie made sure he knew. She knew what she wanted her wedding to look like and he wasn't about to try and change that. In the end they hadn't worked everything out but they had set a date, they were going to get married on August 12th which was as far as Izzie was concerned just far enough away from them to organize everything.

"Sure we can tell you your mom." He smiled at her and began leading her towards the trailer park.

"Thanks," She smiled back, she was absolutely glowing and so excited about what they'd done. "We're getting married, we're really getting married."

The walk to the trailers wasn't far, the park literally started on the churches back fence and once it started the trailers were stuffed in it. Izzie's moms was towards the middle of the lot and now thanks to her moms work was one of the nicer looking ones. It hadn't always been that way, when she was growing up it was in an almost constant state of disrepair.

At the trailer she knocked quietly on the door but she didn't wait for it to be opened. She let herself in and almost scared her mom half to death.

"We're getting married." She cried and her mom started laughing.

"Cricket, I already know. I gave Alex here the ring."

"No, we're getting married here, at the church."

"Really?"Her mom gave her a confused look and glanced over at Alex. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yeah," Izzie smiled like it was a silly question to ask.

"We've been looking at churches all afternoon." Alex began offering a little more explanation. "This was the only one that felt right."

"Really? Well then that's fantastic." She put down the spoon she was holding and walked over to both of them. She gave them each a hug and after a moment she pulled away she asked. "Can I get you guys something to eat or drink?"

For the next hour Izzie sat down on the sofa with her mom and told her all about the wedding, about what they'd organized and worked out with the church and what her ideas were for other things they could do. Alex just sat there watching them, sometimes he would open his mouth, usually when Izzie would turn to him because she couldn't remember what had happened or she'd forgot what she was saying. But for the most part he just sat there watching them and smiling. He was proud of Izzie, for what she was doing and her excitement was contagious, he couldn't wait to call her his wife.

"Iz," The conversation had died off a little and Alex took the opportunity to speak. "It's getting late. I've got to head back to Seattle. Would you like to stay here or do you want to come home with me?"

"Oh," She looked a little surprised and almost hurt by the statement. She turned to her mom to look for guidance in the answer, she didn't want to leave just yet but it was getting late.

"You should probably head back Cricket," her mom started telling her. "I'm working all day tomorrow. I should probably head to bed too."

"Oh, okay." She looked disappointed but she still managed to smile. She stood up and turned to Alex, he put an arm around and pulled her tight to him.

"Thanks for the tea and biscuits. I guess we'll get going now." He started saying.

"It was my pleasure, thanks for stopping by." She stood up and gave each of them a hug. "It was great seeing you again Alex." She told him and to Izzie she said. "I'll come up next week for a visit we can go dress shopping together."

That last statement made Izzie smile and when she left the trailer she was still smiling. "We're really doing this. We're getting married!" She cried, almost jumping out of herself.


	10. Chapter 10

It was Thursday afternoon and Izzie was home alone again, she was getting used to being alone, she still didn't like it but she was used to it. She'd learnt how get things done on her own. Today she'd been finalizing the presentation she was going to do at the school tomorrow. She had her laptop resting across her lap and she was slowly flicking through the slides, talking everything over in her head. Her presentation was good, she was happy with the way it had come together and she was excited about doing it. She'd just finished flipping through it for the third time and was about to start googleing wedding dresses when her phone started ringing. She reached for the receiver and glanced down at the caller ID, it was her friend Sarah.

"Hi Sarah," She smiled answering the phone.

"Hey Iz," There was a slight shake to Sarah's voice, a tone Izzie hadn't heard from her friend before. "How you doing?"

"I'm good. I've just been finishing my presentation." There was a light tone to her voice, she wasn't sure what to make of her friend's tone, she thought maybe she'd heard it wrong. "What time are you coming over tomorrow?"

"I can't come." The shaky tone was back in Sarah's voice. "My mom's been in an accident. I have to take the next flight to LA. I don't know when I'll be back."

"Oh, okay." She didn't know what else to say, that was the last news she was expecting to hear.

"I'm sorry Iz, I know you were counting on me to take you."

"No, it's okay." Izzie said still trying to get her head around what she was hearing. "I think Alex has the day off. I'll get him to take me. You go be with your mom, I hope she's okay."

"Me too, thanks Iz." Sarah's voice sounded sad and then the line went dead.

Izzie rested the phone on the coffee table and took a deep breath. She was shaken by what she'd just heard, not just about Sarah and her mom but about what that meant. Sarah was meant to drive her to the school, she'd asked her to do it because Alex couldn't, there was some medical conference he had to go to.

"Okay," She was talking to herself now, trying to work out what on earth she was supposed to do now, it was too late to cancel the school visit and she didn't really want to, she'd been looking forward to it for weeks. It took a lot of thinking but eventually she thought of a way, she could catch the bus.

Deciding to catch the bus and working out how to do it were two completely different things. The school Izzie was visiting was on the other side of the city, to get there she had catch a bus to the ferries, then a ferry across the harbor, and finally two more buses. The whole tip would take about ninety minutes. It was hard and confusing working it all out but eventually she had it sorted and written out on a sheet of paper. She smiled at herself for being able to work it out on her own, and she let self get excited about the presentation again. It was going to be good, she had a feeling about that.

Still smiling she closed the web pages with metro timetables on them and went back to googling wedding dresses. She liked looking at the dresses, she hadn't worked out what she wanted yet, what style would look good on her. She needed to try them on to really work it out but she hadn't had a chance to do that yet. She wanted to go with her mom and Sarah but getting them together was harder than she thought, so far their schedules hadn't met up, and with the latest development it looked like it would be a few more weeks until that happens. It didn't stop her looking at the dresses though, of trying to visualize them in her head. She was trying to work out if she wanted the booffy princess dress or one of the more modern sleek dresses. On the models in the pictures they all looked beautiful.

She looked at the photos for hours; until she got a call from Alex telling her he was leaving the hospital and would be home for dinner. His phone call was her cue to start cooking, more often than not he wasn't home for dinner but when he was she liked to make sure there was a hot meal on its way when he walked in the door. He worked hard for both of them, she was well aware of how hard he worked for her and this was something she could do for him.

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Alex unlocked the door to his building and stepped inside, even in the entryway he could smell Izzie's cooking. He began slowly making his way up the stairs and tried to work out what Izzie was cooking, it smelt a lot like peanuts with a hint of something else. He unlocked the door to his apartment and pushed his way inside.

"Alex!" Izzie cried the moment he stepped into the apartment. He barely had time to shut the door before she laid a kiss on his face. "How was work today? Did you save any lives?"

"Yeah," He dropped his bag on the floor and kissed her harder, he had saved lives today but he hadn't saved them all. He pulled her closer to him and held her there until the smoke detector started beeping and they had to pull away.

Izzie went straight to the dinner she was cooking and began stirring it again, she pulled out the fan and began inspecting the meal for burnt bits.

"I thought you were going to get someone to fix this." Alex called picking up the broom and hitting the smoke detector. The device which was meant to protect them had become an ongoing problem for them. It seemed like almost every time he came home Izzie would be cooking and the darn thing would go off.

"I did, there is nothing wrong with it." Izzie turned around and smiled at him. "It only goes off when you're here. It stops the dinner burning."

"Right." He watched her walk over to the cupboard with the bowls in it and pull two out.

"I made sartay." She smiled dishing it into two bowls. "I've been craving peanut butter all day."

"I can see that." He picked up the jar of peanut butter he knew had been full that morning, half of it was gone. "How much of this have you eaten?"

"Not much," A crocked smile slipped across her face. "Most of it is in here." She lifted the two bowls from the bench and carried them over to the table.

They sat down to dinner together for the first time in over a week. Alex forked the food into his mouth and started eating. "So what have you been doing today?"

"Getting my presentation ready for tomorrow." Izzie ate some of the dinner and smiled. "I think it's come together really well."

"Is that tomorrow?" Alex hadn't completely forgot about the presentation but he hadn't realize it was so close.

"Yeah tomorrow afternoon." She kept smiling. "I'm going to go over it again in the morning and then catch the bus down to the school."

"The bus?" Alex stopped eating for a moment and looked straight at Izzie. "I thought Sarah was going to take you."

"She was but her mom was in an accident and she had to fly down on LA." Izzie let the words rush from her mouth she didn't want Alex to think it was a big deal. "It's alright I've checked it all out and worked out how to do it." She smiled again and slipped more food into her mouth, she didn't want Alex to make a big deal out of it but she could tell by the look he was giving her he was going to.

"I don't think catching a bus there is a good idea Iz."

"Why?" She had to ask the question but she knew exactly what Alex's problem with the idea was.

"I don't think it's safe. It's not the best neighborhood you're going into."

"The neighborhood isn't that bad." She kept trying to eat but the look on Alex's face wouldn't go away. "I've worked it all out." She stood up and walked over to the coffee table where she'd left all her paperwork. She picked up the piece of paper she'd written the bus timetables and directions on and gave it to him. "See, I know what I'm doing. It'll be alright."

"I don't know Iz," Alex could see she had it worked out but that didn't really change anything. The area was dodgy and the only reason he hadn't worried about it before hand was because she wasn't going there by herself. "Maybe you should phone the school and see if you can come another day."

"Alex!" She let out in an exasperated cry. "I can't do that and I don't want to. I've been looking forward to this for weeks."

"I know Iz," He forked food into his mouth and tried to work out what he was supposed to say next. He really didn't like the idea of her catching the bus all the way out there by herself but he didn't want to upset her, he could tell it was important to her. "I'm just worried about you."

"I know." Izzie let out a sigh. She was well aware of how much Alex worried about her sometimes. "But you don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine, I've caught the bus before, this really isn't any different."

"You caught the bus to the mall, not across the city. It is different."

"Not really, it just takes a little longer." Izzie looked straight at Alex, she didn't want him doing this, she didn't like him telling her she couldn't do something. "Please Alex, if you're not going to let me catch the bus you're going to have to take me." That was the last thing she could say, she knew he couldn't take her, the conference he was going to tomorrow was just as important to him as this presentation was to her.

"Iz," Alex looked back at her and he finally realized the situation they were in. Izzie hadn't just suggested catching the bus because she wanted to catch the bus. She'd actually thought about it and worked out that it was their best option. "Okay, but you have to phone me before, during, and when you get there." He shoved more food into his mouth and smile. "This is really good," he chimed changing the topic. He didn't want to ruin their evening together by fighting over something which they would never agree on. Izzie had her mine set on what she wanted to do and really he couldn't keep her safe without making her miserable and he couldn't do that to her.


	11. Chapter 11

Izzie woke up early on Friday morning, usually she stayed in bed while Alex got ready for work but she didn't want to sleep late today. She pulled herself out of bed while he was still in the shower and she walked into the bathroom. It had been a long time since she had joined him there, 5am starts didn't sit well with her but today he was starting work a little later, the conference he was going to started at 9am and it wasn't too far away.

Inside the bathroom was already full of steam, the mirror was fogged over and she could hardly see Alex's figure in the shower. She pulled her t-shirt, the only thing she'd worn to bed over her head and dropped it to the floor. She took two steps towards the shower and opened the door. Alex still didn't know she was there, not until she stepped fully inside and closed the door. He turned around to face her, a surprised look across his face, which quickly turned into a coy grin.

"Good morning." He smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Morning." She stepped closer to him, and began slowly creeping her fingers up his chest. She only got halfway before he completely closed the gap between them. One arm he used to wrap around her back, with the other he pushed the hair away from her face and he kissed gently.

"I've missed this." he whispered pulling away for a moment. He turned her in his arms so her back was pressed against his chest and he began nibbling on the lobe of her ear. He felt her body react to the touch, for the briefest of moments she tensed then she relaxed completely into him.

"Alex," she moaned as his hands began making there way all over her body. It had been a long time since they had done this, and in that instant she wasn't sure why that was. She wasn't sure why she didn't pull herself out of bed more often. She loved what he was doing to her, the sensations he was making her feel. "I've missed this too."

For the longest time they stayed like that, entwined within each other. They could have stayed like that for hours but they both had something they had to do, places they had to be. Reluctantly Alex pulled away and stepped out, leaving Izzie standing alone under the water.

"Good luck with your presentation today. Don't forget to phone me." He told her before wrapping a towel around his waist and heading back into the bedroom. He quickly dressed, he only had a few minutes to get out the door and on the road.

*****

Just before 10am Izzie pulled the USB from her laptop and dropped it into her handbag. She'd been going over her presentation since Alex had left the home that morning and she was confident she had it right. She didn't think she could make it any better and she thought it was good, it was better than good, it was going to be great. She was excited about the opportunity, about the challenge. She checked her handbag to make sure her wallet and her phone were in there. She picked up her bus ticket and the directions she'd written out the night before, and finally her house keys and she walked out the door.

She walked up her street for two blocks until she reached the bus stop. She'd caught the bus there before, Alex didn't know it but sometimes she liked to catch the bus down to the ferries and then ride around on the Sound all day. She liked the smell that being out on the water brought and she liked sitting down and watching the people around her. She liked people watching and making up stories about who these people were.

Getting to the ferries and getting across the Sound was easy, she phoned Alex and left a message on his voicemail telling him she was okay and everything was fine, it was once she reached the other side that things started to get more complicated. She had never been on this side of the city, not even with Alex and now she was there by herself. She looked down at the directions she'd written out, she needed to catch the 721 bus and the bus stop was three blocks north of the wharf and two blocks east. It was supposed to take five minutes for her to walk there and then she would have to wait another ten minutes for the bus to come.

Slowly she began walking into the unfamiliar, the houses didn't look that much different to the ones she was used to, the yards were still nice and clean, and the people she saw in the street all smiled at her when she smiled at them. She made it to the bus stop and sat down on the bench. Waiting at the stop with her was a woman who looked in her sixties and a boy who looked about ten. Neither one of them said anything to her; they kind of smiled and then waited in silence.

It was hard waiting, she knew she was in the right spot but she couldn't help second guessing herself, she couldn't help worrying she'd done something wrong, that she'd walked the wrong way. It didn't help that the bus was running late as well, it arrived five minutes after it was supposed and by that time she was starting to freak out a little, only a little though, no one around her noticed anything.

She took a seat half way down the bus next to the window, she pulled her handbag onto her lap and she watched as the houses went by. According to her directions she was supposed to ride this bus for ten minutes and get off at stop 24, where she was to wait for bus 545 which would drop her off one block away from the school.

This is easy she thought to herself as she counted the stops they were driving past. And as far as she could tell the neighborhood they were driving through was no different to her own. It wasn't until she'd been riding the second bus for ten minutes that she saw the first reason why Alex might have worried. Sitting on the side of the road was the burnt out shell of a car, and the houses no longer looked so nice and clean. There was black stuff growing up the walls on half the homes and some had their windows covered up with plastic and newspaper. She saw a stray dog wondering up the road, and there were groups of teenagers loitering around on the corners. She tightened the grip around her handbag and told herself not to worry, she told herself appearances didn't mean anything and the people she might encounter weren't out to get, they weren't there to hurt her. She stepped off the second bus and began walking the one block to the school. From somewhere behind her someone whistled, she didn't turn back to see who, she just kept walking.

She kept walking until she reached the front of the school. There she paused to leave Alex another voicemail and look at the building; it was an ugly building, four stories of dirty red brick, with tiny windows all along it. It didn't look like a nice school, it didn't look like a place she'd want to be spending half her time at. The look alone was almost enough to make her begin to understand why they wanted her to come; the mere vibe the school put out was enough to make someone depressed, enough to suck the hopes and dreams out of eager young students. She sighed to herself and walked up the steps leading into the building, she couldn't fix how the school looked but she could try to change some of their attitude, try and give them back some hope.

She pushed the front door open and stepped inside. Just like the outside everything looked old and outdated. She could see a janitor at the other end of the corridor trying to keep things clean but even without papers strewn across the floor the place still looked tired and dirty. To her right was a door marked 'Front Office – Administration' she walked over there and stepped inside.

"Hi," She said walking over to the lady sitting behind the front desk. "My name is Isobel Stevens. I'm here to make a presentation in front of the school."

"Really?" The woman gave her a confused look. "This is the first I've heard about any school presentation. What did you say your name was?"

"Isobel Stevens." Izzie told the woman, trying hard not to let her see how uncomfortable she was starting to feel.

The woman seemed to hit some things into a computer and looked up at her again. "Who at the school have you been talking to?"

"Umm…" Izzie reached into her bag and began searching for the piece of paper she'd written the woman's contact details on. It took her longer to find the paper than she thought it would but finally she wrapped her fingers around it. "Her name's Roberta Williams." She read off the piece of paper, she'd only spoken to the woman once and exchanged a few e-mails with her. As she read the name she couldn't hide the doubt in her voice over the situation. She couldn't help thinking maybe she'd come on the wrong day or she was at the wrong school.

"Oh you're one of Roberta's people." The name was enough for the woman behind the desk to work out what might be going on. "I'll call her down for you and she can tell you what's going on."

"Okay," Izzie stepped back from the desk and sat down nervously in one of the chairs. She'd been excited when she'd walked into the school but now she was starting to feel nervous and uncomfortable. The greeting she'd received when she'd walked in the door wasn't what she was expecting and she couldn't help thinking maybe she had everything all wrong.

After five minutes the woman she was meeting arrived. "Hello I'm Roberta" The woman greeted holding out her hand. Izzie stood and shook it.

"Hi I'm Isobel." She smiled and she waited for the woman to say something.

The woman smiled back at her. "It's great to finally meet you. I've been reading up about you and I think your story might really be good for these kids. Come on I'll show you back to the room so you can get set up."

"Thanks," She followed the woman out the room and along the corridors of the school. She was starting to relax again and let herself get excited, she was in the right place, on the right day, it was just the lady at the front desk who didn't know what was going on. They stopped walking at the end of the corridor and the woman turned to her.

"This is the room I have booked for you." The woman told her before opening the door. "There is a computer attached to a projector in the corner, if you need it. The kids should be down in about twenty minutes."

"Okay." Izzie nodded but she wasn't exactly listening. The room she was being showed into wasn't an auditorium, it was a tiny classroom. "How many kids are coming?" she asked realizing her presentation wasn't going to be in front of the whole school.

"Five." The woman replied. "I'll leave you to get set up. My office is across the corridor if you need anything." The woman closed the door and walked away leaving Izzie standing alone in the tiny room.

She could feel her heart beginning to race and her body fill with a fear and dread. She didn't have a presentation prepared for five she had a presentation prepared for hundreds and they weren't the same thing. She could just stand there and talk to hundreds of people; she didn't have to engage them all, it didn't matter if half of them weren't listening but with five, they all had to listen, they all had to hear and she couldn't just stand up there and talk. She sat down in one of the chairs and tried to get her head around what she had to do. She began trying to work out how on earth she was going to get through to five people, how to get five people to listen to her and hear her story.


	12. Chapter 12

Izzie rested her head in her hands and told herself to think, she told herself to stay calm and not freak out. "I can do this." She told herself, though she still wasn't sure how. She stood up and walked over to the computer in the corner. She turned it on and waited for it to load. It took a few minutes for it to start working and another few for her to get her presentation up on the screen and traveling through the projector. She pressed the buttons and turned the volume up on the computer. Softly her song began to play. _I know you're hurting, feels like you're learning. _She closed her eyes and a smile began to spread across her face, she breathed out. She could do this, if there was one thing she had learnt through her life it was that she could do this. _It's time to move on, you're life is calling._

"Okay" She whispered the word to herself and she let the music run over her, through her. She let its message sink deep down inside of her and take root. _This was never meant to be the end, close the book and start again._

She breathed out again and forced herself to relax, she calmed herself down, and she began to work things out. By the time she heard the bell ring to say the previous lesson was over she knew what she wanted to do, she wanted to have a conversation with these kids. She wanted to talk to them and hear their stories as well as tell them her own. She turned her song to repeat and turned the volume down so it was just louder than a whisper and she waited.

It seemed to take five minutes before she heard the door open and the sound of someone dragging their feet in. She looked up and saw a young girl walking into the room, the girl looked like she was about sixteen and as her eyes traveled down her body she saw a sight she was all too familiar with, the girl was pregnant.

"Hi," Izzie stood up to greet the girl. "I'm Izzie."

"I'm Kate." The girl greeted back before flopping into one of the chairs.

Izzie watched the girl subconsciously run her hands over her round belly.

"How far along are you?"

The girl looked up at her surprised by the question. "Six months, why?"

"No reason, I was just making conversation." Izzie smiled but the girl looked at her with disapproval.

"Don't." She said before looking down and playing with her finger nails.

Izzie watched the girl being to scrape at the nail polish covering her fingers and she began trying to figure her out, work out what her story was. There were so many different reasons why a girl could end up pregnant, a one time mistake, a ten time mistake, a boy she thought loved her, or something more sinister. It didn't really matter how it happened, the circumstances were all part of the history they didn't need to be part of the future. She wanted to ask the girl what she was planning on doing with the baby but she didn't get a chance to. The doors opened and two boys walked in.

The two boys looked like doppelgangers of each other, they wore the same clothes, had the same hair cut, had the same walk, and then even the same posture. They walked into the room and flopped into two chairs without a single acknowledgement that either Izzie or the girl were there.

"Hi," She said trying to get there attention. The taller of the boys looked up at her and grunted but he didn't say anything. She shook her head and waited for the last two kids to arrive, they turned out to be another girl, this one wasn't pregnant, and a boy who was so well dressed he looked out of place in the room.

Sitting in her chair she eyed each of the kids off and tried to work out who they were, what their story might be.

_You gotta lift_

"Can you shut that song off?" The taller of the two doppelgangers said.

She smiled, the first words were always the sweetest. She hit the pause button and looked directly at the boy. "Okay, can you tell me your name?"

"Why should I?" There was hostility in the boys voice, "What does it matter what my name is?"

"It doesn't," Izzie smiled, as she told herself not to let the boys tone get to her. "But it is easier to talk to someone when you know their name. I'm Isobel, but you can call me Izzie."

"And I'm Mickey Mouse," the boy said back, he hit his chest a little and the other kids in the room all sniggered.

Izzie gulped, this was going to be harder than anything she imagined, she hadn't considered the idea that these kids might not want to talk to her.

"Okay Mickey it's nice to meet you." She said trying to buy herself some time. "Can everyone else tell me what your names are?"

"Donald Duck," Mickey's friend replied before laughing at his own joke. Izzie nodded determined not to let these two boys get the better of her, she ignored their game and made eye contact with the last boy.

"Peter," He said twisting in his chair, she smiled at him and looked at the next girl.

"Kasey," She replied barely looking at her.

"Kate," The first girl, the pregnant one replied. She smiled at Izzie and then pointed at the first boys. "That's Paul and Andre, don't take anything they say seriously, it is just them."

"Okay thanks," She smiled back at the girl and then looked around at her group of students. "So I was thinking you could tell me a bit about yourselves," She began, "and then I could tell you a bit about me. Share our stories." She looked at the group trying to gauge some reaction, she got nothing. "Andre?"

The boy she looked at lifted his head, and then lent forward, he rested both elbows on the desk and looked straight at her. "I wouldn't want to waste my breath." He gave her a cold hard stare, he began to stare her down and after a moment she looked away.

"Do any of you want to talk to me?" She asked looking at the rest of the kids. One by one they all looked away from her and she felt herself break just a little, this wasn't what it was supposed to be like, this wasn't what she had made it out to be in her head. She didn't want to cry but she could feel her emotions starting to get the better of her.

"Look lady it's nothing personal," The well dressed boy named Peter began to say, "It's just you're the forth person this month Mrs Williams has got in to talk to us. There is nothing you gonna say which we haven't already heard."

"Right," Izzie nodded, slowly getting an understanding off her situation. "Why does Mrs Williams keep bring people into talk to you?"

"Because we scored high on some stupid test so now she thinks we're under performing, she thinks we can all go off to college, all we need is the motivation, but the motivation ain't the problem."

"Really?" Izzie looked right at the boy, pleased that she was getting something out of him. "What is the problem?"

"We don't want to go." The boy looked at her and smiled, pleased almost that he'd said it out loud.

"Is that true? Do none of you want to go to college?" She looked at each kid in turn waiting for some acknowledgement that what was said was true. Andre, and Paul both nodded, so did Peter and Kasey, they all looked like they were sure of what they wanted but Kate didn't nod, when Izzie looked at her she looked away and kept scraping at her nail polish. "Kate do you want to go to college?"

She asked the question to her directly and she watched the girl twist in her seat, she wouldn't look at her. "Kate?"

The girl let go of her fingers and rubbed her hands over her belly. "How am I supposed to go to college with this?"

There was a sad tone to the girls voice, a wanting and desire for more and a feeling of hopelessness. Izzie looked at her and longed to help, to get through to her and tell her she really could do things, she just had to want them enough to work for them.

"There are ways," She began slowly and then she looked at the rest of the kids. "If you really don't want to be here, if you're really happy with where you're at, and don't want anything more, go. I don't want you in here."

****

Izzie watched as every one of the kids pushed their chairs back and began to stand. A little part of her was disappointed that they would leave so easily, that given the opportunity to go they would. She wanted to change things, she wanted to make a difference and it hurt that these kids weren't interested. One by one they walked out the room until it was just her and Kate left.

"Kate stay." She said as the girl started to walk away. She stopped walking and turned to look at her.

"You said we could go."

"I know what I said but I'd like you to stay." She smiled at her and hoped she would sit back down. She wanted her to stay; she had to stay because if she didn't the whole trip would be a failure. "It's okay to stay." She said the words again and watched as the girl reluctantly sat back down.

"Okay I'll stay." She flopped down into a chair and began picking at her nail polish.

"Thank you," She smiled then she wasn't sure what else to say, what to say next. They sat in silence for a moment then Kate started talking. She asked her why she cared, why she was interested in her, and then she challenged her to explain herself.

"You don't know what it's like. How can you say there are ways when you have no idea what it is like." She challenged and Izzie gulped.

"Because there are ways." She said the words as calmly as she could. That was the thing she hated most about these kids, they had no determination. "There are scholarships, and programs, and people who want to help you."

"No one wants to help me." She sounded hostile, but completely deflated all at the same time. It hit a nerve with Izzie, she'd felt that way once but she knew now it wasn't the way it really was.

"Your teacher Mrs Williams seems to want to help." She offered.

"No," Kate shook her head, "she just gets a bonus for every kid she gets into college."

"Oh," That revelation surprised her, she wasn't expecting that. "Well then, I care, I want help you."

"Why?"

"Because," She gulped and tried to find the right words, the words which would get through. "Because I know what it's like." She said the words but as soon as they were out she knew they were the wrong words.

"How can you know what it is like?" The hostility and the accusation in the girl's voice returned. "You don't know anything about me."

"No I don't." She conceded that fact and tried to regroup. "I don't know anything about you, but you don't know anything about me either." She took another breath and she reached for the computer keyboard. She began flipping through her slides, one by one images of her were projected against the wall, images of her at the hospital, as a doctor, as a patient, images of her at college, images of her as a child. She flashed through the images quickly, too quickly for the girl to really see them, just long enough to open her eyes, to get her attention. She flipped through the images until she found the one she wanted, the one of her as a pregnant teen. She left that image against the wall and turned back to the girl. "I don't know what it's like to be you but I do know what it is like to walk down a hallway with a baby under your skin. I know what it is like to have people look and stare, to whisper things behind your back. I know what it is like not to have any money, to be poor and think the whole world is against you. I've been there and it took me a long time work out it didn't have to be like that."

"Yeah?" The hostility was gone from the girl's voice, replaced by a tone of intrigue. Her posture changed, she sat up, lent forward.

"Yes," Izzie smiled pleased that it seemed she had the girl. "I grew up in a little town called Chehalis."

Slowly she began to tell the girl her story, she began to tell her about herself and soon she found the girl started telling her some things too. Their stories weren't the same, but they had similar implications. Kate's dad had never been in the picture and her mom was in goal. She lived with her two brothers and things weren't easy. Putting food on the table was more important than dreams of going to college.

"You see, it's not that I don't want to go to college, it's that I really can't." Kate spoke with a sad tone.

"I see." Izzie nodded slowly, she was trying to buy herself some more time, she knew there was a way, there was always a way. "If I found out a way to make it work, for you to go to college and still look after your family would you do it?" She looked straight at the girl as she asked the question; quietly she was hoping she would say yes, she wanted her to say yes.

She watched as Kate adjusted her position in the chair, she seemed to be thinking it through, waiting for her to respond was hard but finally she started talking. "Do you think there's a way?" She asked and there was just a hint of excitement in her tone.

Izzie smiled "I'm sure there is a way." She replied. "We just have to find it."

"Okay," Kate replied and a genuine smile began spreading across her face. "If you can find a way, I'll do it."

"Great," They were the words Izzie needed to hear and her smile slowly got bigger she was doing it. She watched the girl smiling back at her and then she saw her expression change, she seemed to wince. "Kate are you okay?" She found herself asking.

"Yeah, the baby's just started kicking really hard." She seemed to grimes again and then smiled. "Would you like to feel?"

The question was the last thing Izzie was expecting the girl to ask her. She'd hated people touching her and she'd expected the girl to be the same. She wasn't expecting the question and she didn't know how to answer it. She didn't really want to feel, there were too many emotions and memories attached to feeling that but the girl had asked and she couldn't just say no, if she did she might loose her.

"Okay," She stood up and walked over to Kate, she let the girl place her hand across her belly and she felt the soft pounding of the baby.

"That's pretty cool isn't it?" Kate smiled.

"Yeah," Izzie let out a sigh and pulled her hand away. She didn't like feeling it. It was beautiful but it hit at a few of her insecurities. She wanted to have her own babies but she wasn't sure she still could, she hadn't asked Alex about it, a part of her was afraid to hear the answer but she did know some of the medications she took were very dangerous for a baby.

She was still lost in her own little thought when the bell rang to say the school day was over. From outside the room she heard the whoosh as doors began opening and the hallway filled with people. She half expected Kate to get up and leave also but the girl kept sitting there.

"Izzie thanks for making me stay." She began, slowly twisting her fingers together. "You're not like the other people Mrs Williams brought in. They were all about talking to us, they didn't listen, never gave any of us a chance to talk."

"Thanks," Izzie let the word out her mouth and felt her cheeks begin to burn. "That means a lot to me. I haven't been doing this for very long, I'm still trying to work out what is best."

"Oh well I liked it." She gave her another smiled and started to stand up. "I have to head home, pick my brother up from school."

"Oh okay," There was a hint of disappointment to her voice, she was sad it was over so soon. She picked up her hand bag and began searching for the business cards she'd made up.

"Izzie," Kate was talking to her again; she looked up from her bag. "Would you like to come with me? You can meet my brother and we can keep talking. You still haven't told me why you came here."

"Oh well that's a little bit of a long story." She gave the girl a little bit of a chuckle and threw her bag over her shoulder. "I have to make a phone call but then I'd love to come with you. You can tell me what you'd like to do at college."

She pulled out her phone and left Alex another voicemail. Then she was ready to leave. She walked out the school with Kate by her side and she couldn't help but smile, she seemed to have done it, she'd got through to this girl and it looked like the beginning of another friendship was forming.


	13. Chapter 13

Izzie could not wipe the smile off her face, she felt really good, for the first in a long time she felt like she was really doing something good, she felt like she was achieving something worth while. She'd had the most amazing afternoon, when she'd left the school she'd walked back to Kate's home and they spent the entire afternoon talking.

It was a great conversation; they talked about the future, about life and over coming obstacles. Izzie told her the rest of her story, she talked to her about the people she'd met in her life and Kate told her the rest of hers. They cried a little bit, there were a few moments where everything got too emotional but for the most part there was an excitement, an energy to everything they said. When she finally left they had some action plan worked out, they had an idea of where they needed to go, of how they were going get there, how they were going to get Kate into college.

It was a good plan, it had a few holes in it, a few things they still needed to work out but they had a good idea. She walked down the street and waited at the first bus stop she came to; she waited for the bus and hoped on the first one that arrived.

****

Carrying a plate of butter chicken and rice Alex walked over to a table in the middle of the college's cafeteria and sat down. He'd had a good morning, he'd listened to a team of doctors from the Portland Children's hospital present the results of their clinical trial into the benefits of in-utero intervention in the treatment of spina bifida. It had been a fascinating and exciting discussion, the trial had shown mixed results and they were looking at expanding it into Washington. Seattle Grace had the best neonate unit in the state which meant they were the perfect candidate to host the trial. He couldn't wait to get his hands on some of that, he loved the in-utero surgeries, there was something magical about repairing someone who wasn't even born yet, who wasn't even a full person. He loved it and the thought of it just made him giddy.

His morning had been great but now he had to work out what he wanted to do in the afternoon. There were more sessions that he wanted to see than he physically had time to. He pulled out his conference guide and began trying to cull his list of sessions. With a black pen he began crossing out all the ones he defiantly wasn't interested in. He was half way down the list when he heard someone call his name.

"Karev!" He heard someone call, "Alex Karev, is that you?"

He looked up and his mouth dropped, standing next to his table were his two best mates from med school.

"Conner, Jason," He stood up and gave them both the half shake half knuckle greeting they'd perfected over the years. "What are you doing here?"

"Same thing you are." They sat down at his table and pulled over his conference guide. "Some of the best minds in the country are here we weren't going to miss it. How have you been? Last I heard you were saving lives in a bar or something."

"Yeah," His other mate laughed, "What was the headline, 'Seattle's latest hero' or something, gave the guys back home a real thrill seeing that."

"Yeah," Alex let out a half chuckle and looked up at his old friends. So many things had changed since he last saw them, he didn't want to talk about that night. "How have you guys been? You still throwing yourselves into plastics?" He asked changing the subject.

"Yep," Both his friends held up their hands in a manner he'd once done himself. "We're riding these babies all the way to the bank." They let out a chuckle and for a moment everything went quiet. "What session are you going to next?" One of them finally asked.

"I don't know," He pulled back his guide and stared at the mess of black lines he'd already made. "I'm tossing up between a few."

"Yeah?" His mates gave him a smile. "If it helps at all we're going to listen to Dr. Mark Sloan, the man is a legend over in New York, he's the one that all the celebrities go to for their face lifts."

"Yeah that doesn't help." He reached for his fork and began shoving food in his mouth.

"No?" His friends looked at him a little surprised. "I thought you were riding plastics all the way to the bank too."

"I was but not anymore." He kept eating his lunch and waited for his old friends to say something. They didn't, so he kept talking. "I'm tossing up between this talk on neonatal pacemakers and this one on new therapies for treating epilepsy."

"Neonates and epilepsy?" His friend pulled the guide back and stared at the two sessions he'd pointed to. "The epilepsy one isn't even surgical what are you interested in these for?" They gave him a strange confused look, asking him to explain himself.

"I'm specializing in neonates," he began "and the other session is for my fiancé, she's been having some problems with the condition."

His mates looked back at him more confused than before. He could see by the look on their faces they weren't sure what to grill him on first, the fact that he'd given up plastics for babies, or that he'd got engaged.

"Whoa ," One finally said, "I never thought I'd hear those words come out of your mouth Karev. What happened? Did you save her life or something?"

"No," Saving Izzie's life was one thing he hadn't done; it was the one thing he wasn't able to do. "She was a doctor at the hospital."

"Oh right!" His mates began to nod like they understood. "She's the head of neonates right?"

"No," Alex shook his head and shuddered a little at the thought of him and Addison. She was his mentor and he had no interest in her in any other way. "Izzie was in our year, we interned together."

"Oh," His mates again nodded like they understood. "Is she here somewhere?"

"No," There was a hint of sadness to his tone, it was something he felt but not something his friends heard. "She's not practicing anymore."

"Oh, she couldn't hack it?" His mates looked at each other and half laughed.

"No," He shook his head, "She got sick." He didn't want them talking bad about Izzie but he didn't want to explain himself to them either. "What about you two?" He asked changing the subject. "Are you both still playing the field?"

"Yep!" They both looked at him with massive grins on their faces, and he couldn't help but think they hadn't changed a bit since college. "You don't happen to have any single friends do you?"

"None that I'd set up with you two." He let out a chuckle of his own. There was no way he was going to let these two set foot anywhere near his friends. They were exactly like he used to be and he didn't want his friends reminded of that person.

"Aww, are you're friends too good for us or something."

"They're not your type." He let out another chuckle and shoved some more food in his mouth.

As he ate the conversation slowly died off and changed, he listened as his too old friends checked out woman after woman; he listened as they made lauded remarks, and asked the ladies if they wanted to catch up later. It was a conversation he'd become accustomed to at college but it had been a long time since he'd used it. He didn't need it any more and the longer it went on the more grateful he became of that.

"Do you guys still enjoy talking like that?" He asked when he'd finally finished eating.

"Yeah." They looked at him a little strange. "Why wouldn't we?"

"I don't know," He paused to try and think of a reason. "It's just so college."

"Nothing wrong with a bit of college." His friends started laughing and then the bells finally started ringing to say the next sessions were about to start. "Looks like that's our call to leave." They both said standing up. "It was great seeing you again Alex, we'll be expecting a wedding invite in the mail."

"Sure thing," He called after them and then he looked down at his timetable and forced himself to pick a session.

***

Izzie sat on a seat half way down the bus and for a moment she closed her eyes. She'd had a good day but now that it was starting to slow down she was suddenly very tired. She closed her eyes and started counting, she didn't want to fall asleep, she knew enough to know falling asleep here was a bad idea but she needed to close her eyes, she felt better with her eyes closed.

The bus started moving and she kept counting, when she reached one hundred she opened them again, just to see where she was, see how much further she had to go. When she opened them though what she saw was not what she was expecting. The street looked completely foreign, the houses and buildings were dirtier than before and when she saw the number on the bus stop she was passing she realized with horror the mistake she'd made, she was going the wrong way.

"Excuse me," She stood up and started walking to the front of the bus. "I think I'm going the wrong way. I need to get to the ferries." She told the driver. He looked at her and started laughing.

"Yeah lady you're going the wrong way, we're no where near the ferries." He sniggered as he pulled the bus over at the next stop. "Cross the road and wait over there, should be another bus soon going the other way."

"Okay, thanks." She stepped off the bus and crossed the road. She sat down at the bus stop and she waited, and waited and waited.

Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, minutes pasted and no bus came, there was no one else at the bus stop and again she started swearing. She didn't know where she was, she had no idea and as the minutes ticked by she began to get worried.

Forty, fifty, one hour past and she was still waiting, it was almost dark and starting to rain.

"Come on," She whispered under her breath and she tried to pull her coat tighter around her, the temperature was dropping fast and she was getting cold. A violent shiver ran through her body, it was so strong she could hear the seat beneath her shacking and tears began to run down her face.

She'd wanted to do this on her own but now all she wanted to do was get home, she wasn't enjoying herself anymore. She reached into her handbag and began looking for her phone, she wrapped her hands around the smooth black plastic and pulled it out. She was going to phone Alex and tell him what happened, she was going to admit defeat and ask for help but as she went to dial the number she realised the battery was flat.

For a moment she stared at the black screen trying to process what it meant. She tried to tell herself to think, to stay calm, not to panic. She told herself she wasn't stuck, that she could get out of this she just had to think. It worked for a while as the thoughts ran through her head she stayed calm but as every thought ran into a dead end, the fear began to build.

"The bus is going to come," she told herself. "It's going to come."

Positive thinking was the only thing she had left, the only thing to keep her in control. It worked for a little while, for a few more minutes she stayed calm but the fear and anxiety kept building and then there was a bang. It sounded to her like a gun shot but it could have just been a car backfiring what it was exactly didn't matter just the noise. The noise pushed her over the edge, flicked the switch in her brain from pause into fast forward, and she lost control.

***

Alex bounded up the steps leading to the apartment two at a time. He wanted to get home, he wanted to see Izzie. He'd ended up going to the session about epilepsy treatments and he'd found out some really exciting news. A few of the drugs he'd been following through clinical trials had just been approved for general use and they appeared to be much superior than the current lot of medications she was taking. He wanted to tell her all about it and he wanted to hear all about her day. From the sound of the voicemails she'd been leaving him it had gone well.

He reached the front door and opened it with the key. He was expecting to walk in and find the TV blearing and Izzie in the kitchen cooking but the apartment was eerily quiet and dark.

"Iz!" He called out hoping he might get some reply but he already knew she wasn't there. He reached for his bag and pulled out his cell phone, he checked his messages, the last one she'd left was almost three hours ago and she said she was coming home, she should be home. He dialled her number and waited, it went straight to voicemail and he swore. This was exactly what he was afraid might happen.

He sat down on the sofa and ran his hands through his hair. He wanted to phone the police, he wanted to file a missing persons report but he was fairly sure he'd be laughed at and told to wait until she had been missing for more then a couple hours. He was sure they couldn't help him and really what was he going to say to them, that his fiancé said she'd be home and she isn't, when phrased liked that it wasn't an entirely unusual thing. He wanted to run off and start searching for her but he wasn't sure where to start and if she came home and he wasn't there, it could cause a whole lot of new problems.

"Iz. Shit," He whispered to himself, "What have you done?" He pulled his cell phone out again and began dialling numbers. He phoned every person he could think of who Izzie might have called, no one had heard from her and as the minutes ticked by he started to worry more. It wasn't like her to go completely off the radar; it wasn't like her not to tell him where she was at.

He started walking small circles around their apartment, he tried to think what to do but for now there was nothing he could do, nothing but sit and wait.


	14. Chapter 14

"Excuse me, excuse me miss are you okay?" The words broke into Izzie's subconscious; she let out a groan and tried to open her eyes. "Miss, miss are you okay?" she heard the words again and this time felt a hand wrap around her shoulder and start shaking. The movement made her head scream and she forced her eyes open. A young man was leaning over her. "Miss are you okay?" He asked her again. "I was driving past and saw you on the ground."

"What?" She let out the one word as she tried to work out an answer. She wasn't okay, her head was throbbing and every muscle in her body ached but she wasn't sure she should be telling this man that. "Where am I?" She asked instead.

"At a bus stop." The young man replied. "Were you waiting for a bus? The buses don't stop here anymore."

"Yeah," She let out a sigh and tried to push herself upright. It hurt to move, it made her head spin but the man helped her. He got her sitting up and she was able to take in her surrounding, her situation. Night had completely fallen, the only light was coming from a street lamp a full block away and she was still lost, she still had no idea where she was and now her clothes were soaking wet as well.

"Where are trying to go?" The man was talking to her again. "I have a car maybe I could give you a ride. You shouldn't be out here by yourself."

"Yeah," She sighed, " you sound like my fiancé," She let out the sentence and tried to work out what to say next. She needed to get home, it was dark, it was late, she was freezing cold and incredibly tired. She wanted to take the ride but there was that thought at the back of her mind about taking rides from strangers, about hopping into cars with strange men.

"Do I now?" He let out a little laugh and smiled at her. "Your fiancé sounds like a wise man."

"Yeah," The thought of Alex made her smile and then a shiver ran through her body.

"You're freezing," He began to say and he stood up, he walked back to his car and returned a moment later with a blanket. "Come on," He held out his hand beckoning her to take it. "Let me take you where you're going." He smiled at her and he didn't look scary, he looked kind. "You don't have to come," He offered, "But you're going to freeze if you stay out here."

"Yeah," another shiver ran through her body and she started shaking. She pulled the blanket tighter around her and tried to tell herself to stop. "I'm okay." She whispered to herself.

"You sure?" He asked and he pulled back his hand. "Because you don't look okay." He knelt back down beside her and smiled. "I get that you don't want to hop in my car. I wouldn't want to hop in my car but I'm telling you if you stay out here you're going to freeze and if you don't freeze some creep's going to come along and try and get you in his car."

His last words made her laugh. "Are you trying to tell me you're not a creep?"

"Now I didn't say that," He gave out a little laugh and pulled a phone from his pocket. "If you don't want a ride how about you phone that fiancé of yours and get him to come pick you up. I'll wait with you."

"Thanks," She took the phone from his hand and stared at the numbers. Phoning Alex was a good idea, even with the lecture she knew she would get; phoning him was a good idea. He'd come get her. She stared at the numbers and slowly began dialling, she was halfway through the number before she paused, before she realised she didn't know what came next; she'd never had to dial the number before it was just there. "I…I can't," She stammered after a moment and she started crying, her whole body began to shake and tears ran down her cheeks. "I don't know his number."

The man looked at her with a sad smile and took his phone back. "It's okay," He told her. "I could phone you a cab?"

"No," She used her hand to try and wipe some of the tears away. There was a reason she hadn't caught a cab in the first place, she didn't have the money for it. "I can't."

"Well then," he seemed to give her a sad smile, he looked like he wanted to comfort her but he didn't try to touch her. "It looks like you're stuck with me."

"Yeah," She sighed and she began trying to size him up again, she began trying to work out if she could trust him. She looked at him closer and there was something familiar about him, something genuine, but there was one thing she couldn't work out. "Why do you want to help me?" She finally asked.

"Do I need a reason?" He smiled and after a moment he continued. "I don't want to go home, my sister's at home; she'll be on my back to do the dishes the moment I walk in the door."

"Right," She almost wanted to roll her eyes at his response. "You should go home and do the dishes."

"And you should let me help you," He retorted. "The dishes will still be there when I get home."

"Won't your sister be wondering where you're at?"

"Nah she's cool. Won't your fiancé be wondering where you're at?"

"Yeah," Alex would be freaking out, she was sure he would be worrying about her, he worried about her when there was nothing to worry about, she couldn't imagine what he'd be doing now that there was something worth worrying about. "Okay," This man was her best option. "I need to get to the ferries."

"Okay." The man stood up and held out his hand for her. She took it and pulled herself up. The movement brought back the dizziness and she found herself grasping his arm for support. "You're really not well are you?" She heard him ask and she shook her head.

"No, I'm…" Her voice trailed off as she lost her words. "I need to sit down."

He opened the car door for her and helped her sit down; he closed the door and walked around to his side. He climbed in and started the engine, after a few minutes the heater was blowing warm air on her and she began to feel better. She allowed herself to relax and she smiled at the man helping her. He smiled back at her, as he reached down to shift gears.

"You haven't told me your name." She heard him ask. "I'm James."

"Isobel," She replied but she didn't say anything more, she was grateful for the warmth but it was making her sleepy.

"Isobel that's nice," He seemed to be inclined to make conversation. "What were you doing on this side of the city? We don't see too many people like you around here."

"Like me?" She let out a little laugh at the comment, at the fact that she stood out. "I was talking to some kids at the high school."

"Really?" He seemed to be intrigued by her statement. "Are you one of those people?"

"Those people?" She raised an eyebrow and turned to him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know those people who like to tell people from around here that all you've got to do it believe in yourself and you can get out."

"Oh right, those people." She nodded and gave a little smile. "I guess you could say I'm one of those people but it's not about believing in yourself, it's about wanting something enough to work for it."

"Work for it," He started laughing and she couldn't help but feel self conscious. "That's a new one. My sister is going to have a good laugh when I tell her that one."

"Why's that?" She asked sitting up a little straighter, it was a defensive move, a readying position to defend herself. "You can work your way to anything, sometimes it just takes a while."

"Right," There was just a hint of sarcasm to his voice. "I guess that could work. It's better than that believe shit them people been telling her. One of her teaches has got it into their head that she could be doing so much better than she is, so she's been bringing in all these people who keep telling her all she's got to do is believe in herself. We always have a good little laugh about it, these people got no clue."

"Yeah," She let out a nervous laugh and let the thought click over in her head. James was still talking but she was only partly listening there was something he'd already said going through her head. "What's your sister's name?" She asked and after a moment he responded.

"Kate."

"Seriously?" She looked at him closer and things began to click, she could see the photo on the table, there was a reason he looked familiar, she'd seen his face before, at the home she'd spent the afternoon at. The conversation changed at that point, she made herself more alert and she started driving the conversation. She told him about the conversation she'd had with his sister and they both laughed at how ironic it was that he was now giving her a ride. She put it down to one of those things which was just meant to be, and she used the time to really talk to him, to get him on board with the plan they had. Selling him on the idea was hard, he was reluctant to change his ways but it was obvious he cared about his sister, that he wanted what was best for her, and by the time they reached the ferries he was beginning to come around. He wasn't opposed to the idea but he wanted to wait and see what Izzie would come up with before he said it was okay.

"Are you sure you're okay to go from here?" He asked her as she opened the door to step out the car.

"Yeah, I know where to go from here." She smiled. "Thanks for the ride."

She stepped out the car and began walking to the ticket booth. Around her the wind began to blow, chilling her to the bone. By the time she was on the boat she was starting to shiver again.

***

Alex stood in the centre of his apartment staring at the screen of his phone, a photo of Izzie she'd taken herself. He was willing for it ring, for Izzie to phone him and tell him where she was at. He'd been home for over an hour now and he still had no clue where she was. He'd phoned everyone he could think of and then he'd phoned them all again. He spent half an hour talking to her mom, she'd done her best to calm him down, to make him see that things were more than likely fine and Izzie would show up. She told him that she'd more than likely got lost or side tracked and reminded him Izzie was capable of taking care of herself. She told him he didn't give her nearly as much credit as she deserved, and kept assuring him it would be okay, that he didn't need to automatically jump to the worst case scenario.

The words eased his worries only slightly, he couldn't help thinking that something horrible had happened to her, it had happened before. He hadn't been there before and now he couldn't help thinking it had happened again. The minutes slowly ticked by and finally he heard a key slip into the lock, and the door open.

Izzie stepped into the apartment and he felt an immense sense of relief run through him quickly followed by an even stronger feeling of concern. She was dripping wet and very pale. "Izzie," He cried walking towards her, "where have you been?"

"I got lost." She said the words barely louder than a whisper and pushed past him. "I need a shower."

She walked into the bathroom and closed the door. She knew Alex would want to talk to her, question her on where she'd been, find out what happened, but she couldn't handle that conversation just now. She was chilled to the bone and shaking quite badly. She turned on the shower and watched the water come spurting out, it was icy cold and made her shake more. She was shaking so badly it was difficult to peel her clothes off but she knew she needed to get them off. She needed to get warm.

The room began to fog up and she stepped under the water. It stung her skin at first but soon she began to feel herself thawing out. She let out a long slow breath and she heard the door open.

Alex stepped inside the bathroom and glanced down at the pile of clothes on the floor, and then up at the steam filled shower. He could make out Izzie's body standing under the water; she seemed to have her eyes closed and not know he was there. He smiled a little and began removing his own clothes. He dropped them on the floor and stepped inside.

"Iz," He whispered not wanting to startle her. He rested a hand gently on her shoulder and pulled her towards him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," She let out the word slowly and lent back against him. "I'm okay now." She paused for a moment and then continued. "You were right; I shouldn't have gone out there alone."

"Really?" He was surprised to hear her say that, she didn't often admit to being wrong; admit that she couldn't do something she thought she could. "Was it that bad?"

"No," She shook her head and reached for his hand. "It was really good until that point. There was this girl, she reminds me so much of myself." She paused and seemed to be running something through her head. "I'm going to help her." She whispered.

"That's good," He smiled and he ran his hand over her belly. He didn't want to push her; she'd tell him everything eventually. "I had a good day too." He started to tell her. "I spoke to this neurologist, there is this new drug, it sounds really good."

"Alex," He felt her twist in his arms and turn to face him. "I don't want to talk about that now."

"Iz," He went to argue with her but she kissed him before he could.

"We can talk later; right now I just want to hold you." She kissed him again and trailed one hand down his chest. She knew what he was going to say and she didn't want to have that conversation. He didn't fight her; he pulled her closer and ran a hand through her hair.

"Don't ever do that again." He whispered and he pulled her even closer. There was a long conversation they needed to have but it could wait till tomorrow.


	15. Chapter 15

Twelve weeks had passed since that school visit, since she had decided to add helping her new friend Kate get into college to the list of things she had to do. It wasn't a very long list, the only other thing she had to do was plan her wedding which she thought would be easy but it wasn't turning out that way. She'd had no idea how much needed to be done and while she'd got all the most important things worked out, venue, date, dress, and colour scheme, it felt like there was a never ending list of little important things which still need doing. It was all together overwhelming, and starting to do her head in, she needed help but she wasn't about admit it or ask for it. No she was too stubborn to do that, so instead she was trying to push forward.

"Concentrate, focus," She said talking to herself. She was standing at her dining table staring at the piles of sheets, and papers, and books, and magazines in front of her. Half the table was covered in wedding things, photos of table setting, flowers, cakes, and hair styles, while the other half was coved in scholarship and college applications. The setting was supposed to help her think and get things done but it was just making her more confused. She couldn't get her head around what she was trying to do and she kept getting distracted.

"Focus," she said turning her attention back to the mountain of scholarship applications. Kate had filled most of them out and all she had to do was read through them and put them in the mail but it was easier said than done. Her memory was really bad today, she'd start reading a form and half way down it she'd forget what she was reading and have to start again. Every form took four or five goes to get done and it was becoming increasingly frustrating. She needed a break but she knew if she stopped she'd never start again.

"Concentrate," she told herself again and started reading a new form. This one was an application for subsidized day care. As far as forms went it was one of the simpler ones, its selection criteria was income, there wasn't a lot of justifying why you needed it. The only other condition was you had to be a student at the college and that was the clincher. She began searching through the papers for the schools application form. She could remember sending it off four weeks ago but she couldn't remember if they'd heard back yet. She didn't think they'd heard back, very few places had sent them responses, but she had to make sure. She flicked through sheet after sheet but halfway through the pile she forgot what she was looking for.

"Arg," she let out a frustrated groan, and sat down in the dinning chair. She didn't have time for this, she didn't have time to do everything four times, she didn't even have time to do everything once. She closed her eyes and started counting, one, two, three, she whispered under her breath. It sometimes helped her concentrate; it was like a little time out, a moment to regroup. When she reached a hundred she opened her eyes and began reading again. This time the words sunk in a little better, she finished the form and placed it in the pile of pages to go to the mail. Then she picked up another, she got through three more forms before she started to lose it again, this time her eyes start to lose focus, it was her body telling her she needed to stop.

Letting out a frustrated sigh she placed the form down on that table and walked to the kitchen. She turned on the kettle and pulled down a mug, she was going to make a lemon tea and stop for a while, maybe watch the wedding channel and see if she could get some new idea. She sat down on the sofa with her drink and turned on the television. A show about wedding disasters was on and she found herself fighting between laughing and cringing as she watched grooms pass out at the altar, roofs cave in, and reception centres flood. She saw everything she didn't want to happen and she began writing down notes on what things to avoid.

She'd been watching for ten minutes when she heard her phone start to ring, the caller ID said it was Kate and with a smile she answered. "Hi Kate, what's up?" Her smile didn't last long, her young friend wasn't happy or excited she sounded terrified.

"Izzie my water just broke," She down the phone line; her voice shaking just a little. "I need you to come over."

The words were not what she was expecting, not in that tone, not in that context. "Kate what hospital are you going to?" She asked. "I'll meet you there."

"I can't go to a hospital." They were more words she was not expecting to hear. "Izzie I need you to come here. I want you to deliver my baby."

"I..." The suggestion floored her, left her speechless, "I can't." She finally managed to stammer. "Kate you need to go to a hospital."

"I can't." There was something about the tone of her voice that scared her, that didn't sound right. "I can't go to the hospital and if you don't come I'll find someone else but I want you." She said the words in a rush but she paused on the you, paused long enough to make it sink in.

"Kate you need a doctor." She said, her voice starting to shake now. "I'm not a doctor."

"But you were, you've done it before." There was a determination to her voice, it was the same tone she used when she knew what she wanted and she was going to get it no matter what. "James is already on his way to get you. Please come, I need you."

They were the last words she heard before Kate hung up the phone, before the line went dead in her hand. She gulped and tried to work out what she was supposed to do. This wasn't what she'd planned to do, it had never crossed her mind that Kate might ask her this. She took a deep breath and tried to work out what she was supposed to do, she couldn't say no, she wouldn't say no but she had no idea what to do. She stood there for five minutes trying to think, trying to organise things in her head. She was trying to put together a list of things she needed, mentally go through what she was going to have to do. It had been so long since she'd done it though she had no idea if it was right, if what she was telling herself was right.

"Shit," she whispered under her breath. This wasn't going to work; she didn't know what she was doing. She pulled her phone out and began dialling a number, there was one person who could help, who would tell her what to do. She pressed dial and waited for Alex to answer.


	16. Chapter 16

"She wants you to do what?" Alex's voice echoed down the phone line.

Izzie took a breath and tried to compose herself. "She wants me to deliver her baby." It was the second time she'd said the words out loud and they weren't getting any easier. "She doesn't want to go to the hospital."

"Okay," It was the only word Alex said, she waited a moment for him to say more but he didn't.

"Alex I don't know what to do." Her voice was shaking a little, her fear and uncertainty coming through with every word she uttered. "Tell me what to do!"

"Iz," she could hear him thinking, trying to work out what to tell her. "Where are you?" He finally asked.

"At home."

"Okay," Alex said slowly, as though he were buying himself a bit more time. "Is Kate there?"

"No, she-"

He cut her off before she had a chance to finish. "Iz," his voice was calm but slightly exasperated. "I can't tell you what to do if she's not with you."

"Alex!" Panic vibrated through her voice, she knew what he was about to say, what he was about to do.

"Izzie you need to calm down." He kept his voice as level as possible, he was starting to get worried but letting Izzie hear that wasn't going to help. "I'm going to hang up now. I have some patients I need to check on. I want you to phone me back when you're with her. I'll tell you what to do then."

"Alex," She didn't want him to hang up but he did. He was right there wasn't much he could do to help her just yet. She held the dead phone in her hand and took a deep breath, she had to control herself, she had to get herself together. She sat down on the sofa and closed her eyes, she concentrated on her breathing and she waited. The wait felt like an eternity but it was only half an hour. When James finally knocked on the door she was full of a scared nervous anticipation.

She unlocked the door to let him in but as soon as the door was open he was pulling her out. "We've got to go Iz, we've got to go." He said pulling her down the stairs. She ran after him almost tripping over her own feet, it wasn't until they were in the car that she was able to have a good look at him. He looked scared and anxious; there was a wild look to his eyes that she hadn't seen before.

"James why didn't you take Kate to the hospital?" she asked as he began to speed down the road.

"Because we can't go to the hospital." He said the words without looking at her, without taking his eyes off the road.

"Why?" She didn't understand, she didn't understand why all of a sudden Kate wouldn't go to a hospital, she'd never mentioned anything like it before.

"Because we can't," He snapped back, and he began to drive faster.

He weaved in and out of the traffic, dodging cars and trucks, it scared her how fast he was going. "James slow down," she said, her voice shaking.

"No," He said pulling out from behind another car, "we need to get home." Somewhere behind them a car tooted its horn.

"We need to get there in one piece." She yelled gripping onto her seat. They went around a corner way too fast, her bag was thrown across the back seat spilling its contents everywhere. "Slow down, you're going to cause an accident!"

He took his foot off the accelerator and the car slowed a bit. "Sorry," He muttered, "We just need to get home."

"I know," She let go of the seat and took a deep breath, something to calm her body down; she could feel her heart racing. "It's important we get there in one piece."

"Yeah," He stopped driving erratically and settled into the flow of the traffic. "I didn't mean to scare you." He told her after a while. "I'm just worried about Kate. She thinks she can do this by herself but one of my mates, his girlfriend almost died having their baby and they were at a hospital."

"I know," She was worried about her friend too. "Have you told Kate this? Have you told her you want her to go to a hospital?"

"Yes," The look on his face said he'd told her, "But you know what she's like. She's stubborn, once she gets an idea in her head no one is going to get it out."

"Yes," She knew all about her friend's stubbornness and determination. It was something she usually liked about her. It had been working to her advantage with the college and scholarship applications but now it wasn't so good. "I'll talk to her, maybe I can get her to change her mind." She offered.

The conversation was limited for the rest of the car ride, they were both nervous and anxious to get to the apartment. Izzie didn't want to deliver a baby but she was already trying to psyche herself up for it. She was trying to recall and go through everything she knew in her head, she was trying to convince herself that she could do it, that if it came down to it she could do it. It was a hard task though, she couldn't shake the fear.

As they walked up the stairs to the apartment, as she waited a step behind James for him to unlock the door she could feel her heart racing, her palms coming out in a cool sweat. He opened the door and they both stepped inside. Her eyes went straight to her friend, Kate was pacing around their small living room with one hand resting on her belly and the other on her back.

"Where have you been? What took you so long?" She starts yelling as soon as the door closes.

"I drove as fast as I could." The words come out of James's mouth in a defensive tone. "She doesn't just live around the corner."

"I know-" She went to yell something more but her words were cut off. She grabbed hold of the back of the sofa and started to cry out. "Argh."

The cry shook Izzie slightly as she watched the girl grimace in pain and she moved towards her. "Kate what are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm," She grabbed hold of Izzie's arm and squeezed it tight, she was still in the midst of a contraction. "I'm in labour, what does it look like?" She stammers as the pain subsided.

"That's not what I meant." She lifted Kate's hand from her arm. "Why won't you go to the hospital?"

Kate looked away from her for a moment and ran her hand through her hair. "Because I don't want to." She said slowly. "We can do it here. You and me, we can do it here." She looked up at Izzie and smiled, there was a sincerity and desire in her eyes.

"You shouldn't be doing this here." Izzie began again. "You should have doctors, or nurses, people who are trained to do this with you."

"I have you." She smiled at her. "You were a doctor, you've done this before."

"That was different." During her time as a doctor, she'd assisted with a dozen deliveries but most of them had been caesareans, and it was a long time ago, she wasn't that person anymore. "I'm not a doctor anymore. I haven't done anything like this for a very long time."

"But you've done it." She looked at her pleadingly, "You've done it." She said the words again and she reached for her arm, she began to squeeze it tight. "Here comes another one." She stammered and she started crying out again. Izzie watched her friends face, she could see she was hurting, that she wasn't enjoying it. She didn't say anything else she waited for the contraction to finish and before she could speak Kate was talking again. "Izzie I want your help." She started saying. "I don't want to do this on my own but I will if I have to. I can't go to the hospital."

"Why?" It was the thing she didn't understand. "Why won't you go to the hospital?"

"Because," She could see the thoughts turning over in her head. "We've no money, it'll bankrupt us and I don't want to do that if I can help it. The doctor said the baby's in a good position, that he thought I'd have a straightforward delivery. So it got me thinking, if it's straight forward why can't I do it myself."

"Kate," She shook her head but she was beginning to understand.

"I looked it up on the internet. I brought all the stuff we need, it doesn't look that hard." Her eyes shone with a naive honesty, she believed what she was saying, and knew what she wanted.

"What if something goes wrong?" She had to ask the question, she had to throw it out there because all she could think of was that.

"It won't happen." She said the words and paused a moment. Izzie wanted to argue with her, tell her she couldn't say that that she didn't know but Kate kept talking. "We'll worry about it if it happens." She whispered, "Please I need you."

She didn't want to do it, everything within her told her she shouldn't be doing it but she wouldn't walk out on her friend, she wouldn't leave her. "Okay," She was still trying to get her head around it. "The stuff, you said you brought stuff. Where is it?"

"There," She pointed to two bags sitting on the floor.

"Okay," She could feel her heart really racing now, she was going to do it, she was really going to do it. "Get it ready. I'm going to phone Alex."


	17. Chapter 17

Shaking, Izzie's hands were shaking as she dialled Alex's number, she was scared but she'd past the point of no return, she was going to go through with it. Waiting, waiting for him to answer was hard.

"Come on, come on, come on." She found herself whispering under her breath and then the line finally connected.

"Iz," His voice was calm that was the first thing she heard. She cut him off before he had a chance to say something more.

"Tell me what to do." Her voice was not calm, it was shaking as much as her hands.

"Iz," He said her name again. He always said her name when he wanted her to listen to make sure she heard. "You need to calm down."

"I..." She wanted to say she was calm but her voice betrayed her.

"Iz you're not calm." He said cutting her off, "I can hear you shaking. You need to take a deep breath, you need to compose yourself." She took the breaths as he kept talking. "It's very important that you stay calm, if you're scared Kate will get scared and she needs you. It is very important that you keep your head on straight, that you stay in control."

She took another breath as he finished talking. She knew what he was implying and dam it she didn't need to be reminded of it. "Okay," she sounded better this time, "Tell me what I need to do."

She could hear him walking; a door open and then the background noise disappear. "Where's Kate? What's she doing?" Alex asked the question as he sat down on a bed in an empty on-call room. He needed to be alone to do this, he wasn't comfortable with doing it but he couldn't let Izzie hear that, he couldn't let her pick up on his uncertainty.

"She's leaning against the kitchen door," Izzie began, "She's bossing her brother around. They're setting up a birthing area."

"Good," The words birthing area calmed Alex a little. This friend of Izzie's she might be doing something crazy but it seemed she had put some thought in to it. "You need that area to be as sterile as possible." He began to tell her, "Once it is set up I want you to get Kate to lay down for a moment. You need to find out how progressed her labour is."

"Alright," She said the word slowly and took another deep breath. She watched Kate boss her bother around, she was telling him to clear room on the floor, spread out a large plastic sheet and cover it with a bed sheet; she was telling him to get cushions and pillows out and cover them as well. She was organised, the more Izzie watched her the more she realized Kate thought she knew exactly what she was getting into. She watched her giving orders and then she suddenly stopped, she started to grimace. "Alex," Izzie began to utter, "Her contractions are only two minutes apart."

Two minutes, that was much closer than Alex was expecting. "Iz you need to be ready, things could start to move very fast."

Carefully Alex explained to Izzie what she needed to do, what she needed to remember. He continued to stress to her she needed to stay calm and she needed to make sure Kate stayed calm. He told her not to be afraid, that it would hurt less if there was no fear. He spoke to Kate for a while, she watched as her young friend nodded and described what she was feeling. When she handed the phone back Alex told her it would be okay, that she had a remarkable young woman with her and together they could do this. He told her to listen to Kate, to let her, and her body call the shots, if she kept her calm and focused she would know when to push and when the baby comes out she needed to make sure he was breathing and keep him warm.

"It's going to be okay Iz," He told her, "I'm going to hang up for a little while, phone me back when things start happening."

Alex hung up and Izzie let out another slow breath, she turned to Kate and smiled before saying, "We're going to do this, we're going to be okay."

"I know," Kate smiled back, "Help me sit down."

Izzie helped Kate sit down and together they waited for things to start happening. They were expecting them to move fast, they had been going fast but as soon as they were ready things seemed to slow down. Kate didn't want to push, she got comfortable on the floor and just wanted to sit there for a bit. The contractions kept coming they were regular but they weren't getting stronger, with every contraction Kate would grimace and squeeze down on Izzie's arm.

"Izzie," Kate began as one of these contractions started to ease. "How's the wedding planning going?"

"What?" The question almost made Izzie laugh, "It's going okay," She smiled, "shouldn't we be worrying about other things right now?"

"No," Kate shook her head and pushed herself more upright. "I need to think about something else, obsessing over this isn't going to make it go faster."

"Right," Izzie let out a little chuckle this time, "That's a good idea. What do you want to know about?"

"I don't know," She adjusted her position again trying to get comfortable, "Tell me anything, tell me about Alex have you managed to get him to help yet?"

The question made Izzie laugh, Alex's disinterest in wedding planning was something she'd told Kate about many times.

"No," She said smiling. "He's still more of a distraction."

"Distraction," It was Kate's turn to laugh now, "Is that what you're calling it now?"

"Calling it?" She laughed at her friends words, at what she was implying with those words. "It's what he is, it's what he does. Alex," she smiled as an image of him came into her head, "would rather get married naked on a beach and he seems to think a bit of practical demonstration might get me to agree with him."

"Oh," Kate nodded as she pushed herself up, adjusting her position again. "How's that working for him?"

"He makes a good argument," She smiled, "But..." her voice trailed off as images of the big white wedding she wanted came into her head.

"Nothing is going to make you give up the big white wedding." Kate finished the sentence for her and tried to adjust her position again.

"Yep," She couldn't stop smiling, she was in love with the idea of her own wedding. "He's yet to find the argument which will make me give that up."

"Nice," Kate smiled and she began trying harder to push herself up, the conversation had been a good distraction but now she couldn't ignore what her body was telling her. "I think it's time." She said looking Izzie straight in the eye. "Help me up, I want to sit up more."

"Time?" Izzie had almost forgot what they were there for, "Oh time! Okay, I'll phone Alex back."

"No," Kate seemed to grab hold of Izzie's arm, "we can do this, we don't need him."

"Okay," She was a little taken aback by the statement but she didn't argue with her, keeping Kate calm and giving her what she needed was more important than easing her own insecurities. "What do you want me to do?"

"Help me up." Kate held out her arms and Izzie pulled her into a squatting position. She balanced there for a moment and seemed to be trying to think.

"Kate?" Izzie's concerns were starting to get the better of her. "What can I do?"

"Umm." She squatted there head down breathing deeply. "Ummm...just...hold me." She stammered and then she started groaning. She gripped down harder on Izzie's arm and pushed. The pushing lasted longer than before, it made Izzie's arm hurt and then it stopped. "Is...Is the baby crowning?" She panted.

"What?" She wasn't expecting the question she didn't think it would be there yet. "Let me check." She said and she moved to look but Kate wouldn't let go of her arm.

"I can't let go." She said looking Izzie in the eye, and for the first time she saw her fear. The fear wasn't a good thing to see, she didn't want to see fear, fear wasn't their friend.

"Okay," Izzie said gathering her thoughts, "We don't need to look, just feel, can you feel the baby?"

It was the best she could offer, if Kate wouldn't let go she couldn't look for her. Slowly Kate began to reach down; she was almost there when she stopped, when she tightened her grip around Izzie's arm again.

"Here comes another one," She gasped and then they could both see a head and everything happened very quickly.

Within minutes Izzie was holding a screaming baby in her arms and Kate had fallen back against the pillows, she was panting for air but she had the biggest smile on her face.

"We did it," Izzie smiled as she wiped the kids face and placed him against his mother's chest. "You have a beautiful little boy."

"I do," Kate couldn't stop smiling and for a while they both just sat there gazing at the beauty of this child. Izzie couldn't believe she'd helped bring him into the world, it was the biggest high she'd had in a long time. "Thank you Izzie," Kate said after a while, "I couldn't have done this without you."

"No thank you for asking me," She was feeling so good, "I haven't felt this good in a long time." She smiled down at the little boy, at her friend. "I'm going to phone Alex back now, find out what else we need to do."

Alex was surprised when Izzie phoned back to tell him the baby had already been delivered, that mom and baby seemed to be fine and she needed to know what they were supposed to do now. He told her they should just hang tight, make sure everyone stayed warm and he would come over to finish things off.

***

That evening Izzie lay in bed with Alex, he was exhausted from a long day at work but she was still running on the high from the day's events. She couldn't get the images of that little boy out her head, she could get the look Kate had had out her mind.

"Alex," she whispered, "you still awake?"

"Yeah," he whispered back, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," She whispered back and she rolled over to face him. She looked him in the eyes and thought for a moment if she could tell him what she was thinking. She reached up with her hand and ran it along the side of his face; he smiled at her and moved in for a kiss. It was soft and gentle and when he pulled away he whispered.

"What's on your mind Iz?"

She thought for another moment and then told him. "I want a baby."

He smiled at her before kissing her again, when he pulled away he whispered, "I know, I've known for a long time." Then he ran his fingers down her jaw line and pulled himself even closer. "We'll make beautiful babies Iz, but let's just do one thing at a time, let's get married first."


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Hi I was just wondering if anyone was still reading this. It's been really light on the comments for the last few chapters. So umm...yeah I was just wondering if anyone was still reading because if no one is reading I may as well stop posting the updates. So if you're reading and would like to see more, please let me know.**

Etiquette, Izzie always knew there was some form of etiquette when it came to weddings. There was a correct way, a proper way of doing thing but she never realised how intense and complicated it was, not until she had to sit down and do it herself. She wanted to do things properly but it was overwhelming to the point where it was paralysing. She needed to make decisions, she needed to get things done, worked out, finalized but she was so afraid of doing things wrong, of making the wrong choices.

"Just do it," She said talking to herself. "You know what you have to do, just do it." It was the pep talk she liked to give herself, it was supposed to help her get things done but it didn't always work. It wasn't working today.

Etiquette said she needed to have her invitations mailed six to eight weeks before the date and the date was only eight weeks away. She needed to get her invitations made and mailed but before she could do that she needed to work out who she was sending them to.

For the last hour she'd been staring at a list of names trying to work out what she was supposed to do with them. The names were supposed to form her guest list but there were too many of them. There were so many people they wanted to come, people from the hospital Alex had told her he wanted there, people who she worked with at the centre, kids who she was helping, and then family and friends from college and home towns. It was a lot of people and they couldn't all physically fit in the church, they couldn't all come, the list had to be culled but it was a hard thing to do, she didn't know who half the people were.

She needed some kind of system, some way of keeping track of the names, thinking she ran her hands through her hair and then reached for the highlighters. With yellow she marked everyone she knew, all the people she needed to be there, that was maybe a third of the list. With green she marked the people Alex wanted who she knew, that was only a dozen more names, it still left half the list unmarked. She thought about scrubbing all of them but they'd been put there for a reason, she just needed to remember why.

Letting out a frustrated sigh she pushed the list of names aside and turned her attention to the invitations themselves. She was making them herself, something which seemed like a great idea at the time but now she was second guessing herself. She'd lots of fun designing them, cutting out different papers and trying different combinations and styles, but now that she had her design, actually making them was time consuming and tedious. She had three different papers, a brown metallic card as the base, a pearly pink paper, and a translucent paper with silver hearts on it. She couldn't print the translucent sheets until she had the names worked out but she could start trimming the rest. She picked up the brown card and one by one she measured every sheet and cut them into even thirds.

She was half way through her sheets of cards when she heard keys in the lock, she glanced up at the clock, Alex wasn't supposed to be home for ages. For a moment she allowed herself to get scared and then the door opened and Alex stepped inside.

Alex stepped inside the apartment and closed the door, he was home from work early but it wasn't because he wanted to be, it was because he was forced to be. He was coming down with the flu and was under strict instructions to stay home until he was well.

"Alex what are you doing home?" He heard Izzie ask from her seat at the dining table. He looked over at her and saw the table covered in decorative papers.

"They sent me home," He kind of grunted, "think I have the flu." As he said the words he began walking towards to the bedroom, all he wanted to do was lie down and go to sleep. He didn't want Izzie to fuss over him but as soon as the words were out she was getting up and coming over to him.

He kept walking; he pushed past her as she tried to place her hand over his forehead. She was saying things to him but he wasn't listening to her. He sat down on the edge of their bed and took off his shoes, his jeans, his shirt.

"Please Alex let me look after you." He finally heard what Izzie was saying to him, the plead in her voice. She wanted to take care of him but all he wanted was to be left alone so he could rest.

"I don't need you to look after me," He told her trying not to sound annoyed. "I just need some rest." He lay down and closed his eyes before he could see the hurt look on her face.

"But you haven't eaten, you need to eat," In that moment she sounded like a mother but he didn't want to be mothered, "let me make you some soup."

"I'm not hungry." He snapped the words and rolled over so his back was to her. He didn't want to see her face, he knew he was hurting her feelings but they needed to be hurt, he was sick; he needed to be left alone. "Just let me sleep."

There was a moment silence, he waited for Izzie to say something but she didn't not at first. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and then gently placed a hand on his forehead.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, "It's just you're always taking care of me. I just wanted to take care of you." She stayed sitting on the bed and after a while he rolled back over.

"It's not that I don't want you to take care of me." He told her, "I just don't want you to get sick too."

She looked back at him and he could see her eyes starting to fill with tears. He hated it when she did that, he didn't like seeing her cry, and he didn't like making her cry even more. "Izzie," he reached out with one of his hands and tried to comfort her. It wasn't an easy task when he didn't want to get too close to her, he really was scared of making her sick. She hadn't been sick with anything since she'd been shot and he didn't want to see what a sick Izzie would be like.

She pushed his hand away and stood up. The damage had already been done; she didn't see his good intensions as much she saw him telling her to go away. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything." She said and she walked out the bedroom.


	19. Chapter 19

In the three days Alex was sick he made Izzie cry countless times. She didn't seem to understand his fear and concerns, that her staying healthy was more important than him having chicken soup. All she wanted to do was look after him, make him feel better, any other man would have loved having her wait on them but it just made him feel sick. He wasn't used to having a woman wanting to care for him, his own mother had been pretty average at it, and before Izzie his relationships had never got that serious. He was used to soldiering through it on his own, he wanted to soldier through it on his own but Izzie didn't get that.

All she heard was him telling her to go away, to leave him alone, and every time she heard that it made her cry which only made him feel worse. He didn't like upsetting her but he kept telling himself it was for her own good, that she would thank him for it later. She didn't thank him though, his attempts to keep her healthy were futile, their apartment was too small. Four days after he came home sick, on the same day he went back to work Izzie came down with a fever.

***

"Alex I'll be fine," Izzie said picking up a blanket from their bedroom floor and carrying it to the sofa. "Go to work. I'm just going to lie down on the sofa and watch some television."

"But Izzie," Alex didn't want to go to work and leave her home all day by herself. "You've been up half the night vomiting. You've seized twice."

"And I'm okay now." She didn't want to get into an argument with him but she didn't want him nursing her all day either. He'd really hurt her feelings over the last few days when he'd pushed her away, now she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of taking care of her.

"You're not okay," Alex could tell what she was doing; she was trying to do the exact same thing he did. "Your temperature is 102, you have chills, you can't keep anything down."

"And what are you going to do about it?" She dropped the blanket on the sofa and kept walking to the kitchen. "It's the flu, rest and fluids, that's all I need." She was throwing his own argument back at him. "I don't need you babysitting me."

"Izzie," He didn't know what else he was supposed to say to her and she knew it.

"Alex," She said his name back to him, almost mimicking his tone, challenging him to come up with something. When he didn't say anything she smiled and reached for a glass, she filled it with water and began taking her morning regime of medications and vitamins.

With every pill she swallowed he tried to think of some reason to stay, some reason which she couldn't throw back at him. But all he had was the truth, he was worried about her, he was afraid she might hurt herself and he knew that wasn't good enough. They'd had discussions about it before; about his over protectiveness and he'd agreed not to worry so much which in reality meant he just didn't talk about it.

When she swallowed the final pill she smiled at him triumphantly. "See I'm okay." She patted him on the shoulder and walked past him. She walked over to the sofa and picked up her blanket, she wrapped it around her shoulders and lay down. "I want you to go to work. I'll be fine."

She turned on the television and for a moment he just stood there watching her, she seemed okay, much better than the night before and she was right there was little he could do for her. He couldn't make her get better that was entirely up to her.

"Okay you win." He sighed picking up the phone. "I'll go to work but I'm going to be checking up on you." He walked over to her and handed her the phone. "Phone me if you start feeling worse." He told her before kissing her forehead. "I'll be home around seven."

Izzie watched Alex walk out the apartment; she had a smile on her face right up until the moment the door closed. When he was gone she stopped smiling, she'd said she wanted him to leave but she didn't think he actually would, deep down she wanted him to stay. She felt sick, much sicker than she was letting on and it scared her a little.

***

Alex didn't look back as he left the apartment, he couldn't, if he did he might change his mind and he didn't want to do that. He wanted to let Izzie have her way, he wanted to believe that she was right, that he was just being overprotective and worrying too much. He told himself that she'd be fine, and he'd be better off at work helping people who actually wanted and needed his help. That's what he told himself but there was this nagging feeling he had deep inside of him which kept telling him he shouldn't have left, that he shouldn't have done what Izzie told him.

All day he worked, the hospital was chaotic, he spent his time running from one emergency to the next. There wasn't a moment where he wasn't doing something, where someone wasn't demanding his attention. He didn't stop not even for lunch; instead he shoved food in his mouth as he moved between corridors, reading patient notes, trying to get his head around what was next, what the next complication would be so he could prevent it.

As six thirty rolled around he stepped out the OR relieved that another surgery was over, that he'd saved another life. As he stood there catching his breath he pulled out his phone, his jaw dropped when he saw the time. It was time for him to leave, his shift was over and he hadn't checked in with Izzie once. A dreaded feeling started to run through him, he'd told her he'd phone. Quickly he started dialing the number, as the line started ringing he found himself whispering under his breath for her to answer.

"Hello Alex," Izzie's voice whispered down the line. "You didn't call."

"I know I'm sorry." He apologized, he felt bad about doing it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Her voice was so quiet he could hardly hear her, "I've been…" She stopped midsentence, he heard her gulping air, "…sleeping."

"That's good," He said the words slowly trying to process everything he was hearing. Sleep was good, it was good that she'd been sleeping but the breathlessness concerned him. "I'm about to…" He was going to say head home but behind him he heard someone scream his name. He turned around to the OR he'd just left and saw panic stricken faces across the people inside.

"Karev!" Someone screamed at him. "Get back in here!" At the sound he felt his gut twist, he wanted to go home, he needed to get home but he couldn't just leave his patient, not when he was standing right there.

"Come home." It was Izzie's voice echoing back down the phone, telling him what he didn't need to hear.

"I'll be home as soon as I can Iz. I've got to go." He said the words quickly and hung up before she could say anything more. Doing that to her made him feel horrible but he couldn't just let his patient die.

***

Three hours, it took three hours for Alex to stabilize his patient and get them out of the OR. The complication which had happened was unforeseen and messy he didn't know why it had happened but he didn't have time to stop and work that out. They were hemorrhaging; he had to stop the bleeding. He spent hours trying to repair the damage without performing a hysterectomy, he hated doing them, he hated taking away a woman's ability have to children but in the end it was the only option. He did the procedure, closed the woman up and this time made sure she got to the recovery unit. He couldn't afford for anything more to happen to her he needed to get home.

He didn't bother getting changed, he stopped just long enough to pick up his car keys and then he was hurrying out the door. The five minute drive seemed to take longer than usual; he noticed every red light, every intersection he had to wait at. By the time he was home the fear was churning inside of him, he couldn't shake the feeling he should have stayed.

He unlocked the apartment and stepped inside, it was dark, the only light coming from the glow of the television. Izzie was asleep on the sofa, curled up under a mass of blankets. He walked over to her and kissed her softly on the forehead, he could still feel the fever on her.

"Izzie," He whispered, "I'm home. It's time to move to bed." He had to shake her twice before she opened her eyes.

"Alex," her words sounded distant, "I'm sorry."

He wasn't sure what she was apologizing for. "It's okay." He told her, "Let's just get you into bed."

She groaned as he helped pull her to her feet. As they walked he felt all her weight rest against him. "I don't feel good." She started to say. "Everything…" again he heard the breathlessness. "…hurts."

"I'm not surprised," he said smiling at her as he sat her down on the bed. "Have you taken any Tylenol?"

"No," She said shaking her head.

"Okay, I'm going to get you some." He let go of her and she promptly slumped sideways against the mattress.

He didn't try to get her to sit up he left her like that and moved to the bathroom. He grabbed a couple of Tylenol, a glass of water and walked back to her.

"Izzie," He said kneeling down beside her, "You need to sit up a bit to take these." She opened her eyes again and stared at him, she was looking right at him but it looked like she was seeing straight through him.

"Everything aches," She groaned pushing herself up a little.

"I know," he pushed the pills into her hand, "These will help." She slipped the pills into her mouth and then sipped the water to swallow them. "That's good Iz," He reassured as she slumped back against the bed.

For a moment he knelt there watching her, he was trying to take in her appearance, condition. Her cheeks were red and flushed, and he could see her breathing very fast. Standing up he rested his hand against her forehead trying to gauge her temperature. It was high, that was all he could know for sure. Shaking his head he stood up and walked back to his bag, he pulled out his thermometer, a stethoscope, and blood pressure cuff. He carried them back to the bedroom and slipped the thermometer into her ear.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Izzie whispered not opening her eyes.

"Taking your vitals." He told her as the little machine bleeped. He pulled it out and stared at the number.

"What does it say?" Izzie was asking the question but he almost didn't hear her. "Alex?"

"104.1" He muttered to her. The number was higher than he was expecting, she shouldn't be that warm. He looked her up and down and finally noticed she was wearing half a dozen layers of clothing. "Iz you've got too many clothes." He told her now shaking his head. "We need to get some of these off you." He lent forward and tried to get her sitting up again. "You need to sit up a bit Iz." She groaned as he pulled her up, and carefully began peeling layer after layer of clothing from her body. He kept going until all she wore was a singlet.

"I'm cold." She groaned before starting to shiver.

"No," he wrapped the blanket around her and lay her back down. "It's just the fever."

She didn't say anything back to him, she just lay there and let him take her blood pressure, count her respes, and listen to her breathing. He'd started doing it to make him feel better; to reassure himself that she was okay but it made him more concerned. Her temperature was high, her blood pressure low, her breathing very fast, and he could hear a definite crackling as she breathed. They weren't good vitals but they weren't terrible, they could be worse. He sat there for a moment trying to think what to do.

"Iz," he finally said deciding to err on the side of caution. "We need to go to the hospital." She'd be alright now but if she got much worse they'd be in some trouble. He tried to get her to sit up again but she pushed his hands away.

"No Alex," She groaned. "No hospital."

Izzie hated the hospital. She hated when Alex would drag her down there because most of the time she didn't need to be there. Most of the time it was just him overreacting, taking whatever had happened or was wrong with her and fearing it was the worst case scenario. Last time it had been a concussion and he made her spend two days lying in a hospital bed when she could have spent two days lying around at home. This was no different, she just had the flu.

"You sound like you have pneumonia." He said the words to her and tried to get her sit up again but she didn't want to. She just wanted to go back to sleep.

"I'm fine." She said rolling over on her side; she pulled the covers around her and closed her eyes again.

Alex watched Izzie roll away from him and tried to think what to do. He didn't want to have another fight with her so he let her win again; he pushed his concerns aside and stripped down to his boxers. He crawled into the bed beside her and kissed her gently, she was already asleep again but it took him hours to do the same. For as long as he could he just lay there watching her breath.


	20. Chapter 20

For hours Alex watched Izzie sleep, he watched her breathing in and out and he fought the urge to wake her. "She's okay," he kept telling himself, "She's okay." He wanted desperately to believe himself, he hated that he couldn't relax, that something as common as the flu could make him feel so scared.

It was irrational there was no reason for him to get so worried except that it was Izzie, he had to protect her, it was his job to make sure nothing bad happened to her. Reaching for her he carefully brushed her hair from her face and rested his hand against her forehead, she felt a little cooler, her fever was coming down. It was a good sign, it eased him enough to close his eyes. He fell asleep but three hours later he was woken by Izzie thrashing in the bed beside him.

"Izzie!" He called reaching for the bedside light and turning it on. She was having a grand mal, and her skin had gone a ghostly white everywhere except her ears and cheeks which were bright red. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, this wasn't totally unexpected. He picked up his watch and began timing the seizure. After two long minutes her body went limp.

"Izzie," he said gently shaking her, he wanted her to talk to him, tell him how she was feeling. "Izzie." He shook her again but she wouldn't open her eyes, she let a moan and some inaudible mumble. "Izzie, you just had a seizure, I need you to talk to me."

She opened her eyes a little and moaned. "Turn off the light." She lifted her hand and tried to cover her eyes but she missed and hit her head.

Alex turned off the light but he was still worried. "Iz, you need to talk to me some more. How do you feel?"

"Hurts," she moaned and then a second seizure started.

"Shit! Iz," He gulped this wasn't normal, she'd never had two seizures so close together. He took a deep breath and started timing, after three minutes it still hadn't stopped though. "Izzie," He tried calling to her, he had no idea if she could hear him but he wanted to talk to her. "I'm going to get you something to stop this."

He jumped off the bed and ran to his chest of draws, he turned on the light and began searching for the vial of loazaprem he had stashed there. He wasn't technically supposed to have it but he'd managed to convince Izzie's doctors it was a good idea if he had it just in case a situation like this happened. He used a needle to withdraw the correct dosage and ran back to the bed.

"Izzie," He knelt down on the ground beside her and started counting down the seconds. He wanted the seizure to stop on its own, he didn't want to have give her the drugs but as the seizure reached the five minute mark he decided he didn't have a choice. "Izzie, I'm going to give you something to make this stop, it might hurt." He said grabbing her leg, he held it as still as he could and he injected the drug. It worked fast within seconds her body went limp.

"Izzie," Alex's heart was racing, he pushed her hair away from her and gently started stroking the sides of her face. "I need you to talk to me." She didn't react, she made no indication that she even heard him. "Izzie, I need you to wake up." She still didn't move. "Izzie." He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Izzie please." She wouldn't react though and it finally hit. Something was seriously wrong, she wasn't breathing.

Panic and adrenalin pumped through him, he clenched his fist and slammed it hard against her chest. He heard something crack but that didn't matter right now he just needed to get her breathing. The blow worked, suddenly she gasped for air and her eyes flew open.

***

The pain it was everywhere, every muscle in her body ached, her head felt like it was going to explode but it was her chest where it was worse. Every breath was painful, and there was Alex leaning over her, tears in his eyes.

"Oh my god Izzie," He was saying running his hands down either said of her face. He looked terrified and when he said "We're going to the hospital." She didn't fight him, as he started lifting her into his arms she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on.

***

She didn't fight him, as he lifted her up she didn't fight him. That's what he noticed, she always fought him, she never just let him take her but she wasn't fighting him now, she was helping him. That wasn't good.

Alex moved as fast as he could out the apartment, he stopped long enough only to grab his car keys and then they were in the car and he was driving to the hospital. He tried to keep his eyes on the road but he couldn't help looking over at Izzie, her skin had gone from pale to a sickly gray and her breathing was so fast and shallow. She was struggling to breath.

He drove his car to the back of the hospital where the ambulances came and pulled it to a stop. He jumped out his side and ran over to Izzie's. As fast and as carefully as he could he began lifting her from the car. He carried her into the hospital and as soon as he was close enough to be heard he yelled for help.

Meredith was in the ER, she was the on-call resident and she'd been showing an intern the correct way to insert an IV line when she heard the calls for help. She ran out the room and saw Alex carrying a semiconscious Izzie towards her.

"Alex what happened?" She asked running towards him.

"She can't breathe." He told her the words shaking from his mouth. "She had the flu. She said she was fine."

"Okay," Meredith cut Alex off before he could keep rambling. Izzie's skin was looking cyanotic; she was in some serious need of medical treatment. "Take her to exam room one."

Alex was moving before Meredith could finish her sentence, she ran after him into the exam room. He was already laying Izzie on a bed when she pushed through the doors; she let him put an oxygen mask over her face before stepping between them.

"Alex I've got her." She said trying to pull him away. "Go find some clothes you're shivering."

"No," He looked up from Izzie and into her eyes. There was a fear in them she'd seen many times but only once in him.

"She's going to be okay." She said reaching from him. "We're going to help her."

He looked away from her and back at Izzie, the oxygen was helping, the colour was starting to come back to her face, she opened her eyes and started pulling at the mask.

"Go," she said her voice hoarse and so quiet. "Get…dressed." She smiled at him and squeezed his hand, gave him a nod to tell him it's okay to leave. He looked back at her confused and she nodded at him again. "Get…dressed."

She told him again and he finally realized what he was wearing, a pair of boxer shorts and nothing more. His cheeks burned a little red but he still didn't want to leave. Meredith had to reassure him Izzie was in good hands, that she was taking care of her and he really needed to get some clothes and fill in the admittance forms. He wanted to argue with her, he was the one who was supposed to take care of Izzie but he was out of arguments so reluctantly he left.


	21. Chapter 21

Eyes closed, still, Izzie lay in bed sleeping, exhausted from the mountain of tests they'd run on her through the night. Gently Alex ran a cool damp cloth across her forehead, down her face and around her neck. She still had a fever, the meds she was on weren't working, nothing it seemed was working. She'd had four more seizures since arriving at the hospital, and the only cause for them they could find was she was sick. There was nothing wrong with her head, the problems were all in her lungs.

A chest x-ray confirmed she had pneumonia, a diagnosis which made Alex want to hit his head against something, made him feel like he should have acted sooner, trusted his gut more. He'd known she'd had it, when he'd listened to her breathing earlier that night he'd heard it, he'd wanted to go to the hospital then but she'd said she was fine, that she didn't want to. He'd listened to her, he'd given her what she wanted because he always gave her what she wanted. This time though it hadn't done either of them any good.

Carefully he dipped his cloth back into the tray of ice water, squeezed it and began running it over Izzie's body again. It was a process he'd been doing all night, ever since they'd settled her into a room four hours ago. He knew he should probably stop, get some sleep, that it wasn't really helping but he couldn't stop. This was his fault, he'd done this to her, he needed to make her better.

"Alex," Izzie whispered her voice quiet and horse. She opened her eyes and gazed at the man sitting beside her. She could see the worry and fatigue across his face. "Go to sleep." He didn't need to be doing this to himself; she smiled at him and watched him shake his head.

"No," he whispered rubbing the cloth back over her face. "I'm okay." He lent forward, kissed her and she tried to push herself up.

"No you've been…up all night…go to sleep." She gave him a smile and reached for his hand, she squeezed it; she wanted him to know she was alright. "I'm okay." She told him.

He smiled back at her but her words didn't convince him, with every word she spoke her stats seemed to drop a little. It did nothing to ease his concerns but at the same time he couldn't deny how exhausted he was. "Okay," he said after a moment. "Move over." He climbed on the bed beside her and she curled up around him. He ran his hand through her hair and gently started rubbing the back of her neck. "Iz," He whispered feeling her relax against him. "I'm going to go to sleep now but you have to promise to stop talking."

"Okay," She whispered and within minutes she'd drifted back to sleep. Alex stayed awake a little longer, he watched her stats come back up and level off. When he was sure she was alright he closed his eyes and let sleep take hold.

***

Izzie lay awake in bed, it was the early hours of the morning, through her window she could just see the hint of light telling her the sun was raising. It had been four days since Alex had rushed her to the hospital; four days since the careful plans she'd made had been turned upside down and thrown sideways. She wasn't getting better, they hadn't told her point blank but she could feel it.

She didn't just have the flu anymore, instead the virus had settled deep into her lungs and had taken hold of her. It was getting harder for her to breathe, she felt like she was suffocating, and she was so tired. Slowly she lifted her hand and stared at her fingers, there was a light blue tinge to them, a sign her body was still not getting enough oxygen.

"Alex," She reached for the mask and pulled it a little from her face, "Alex," She'd been doing a lot of thinking over night about what she wanted, about what was most important to her and what was happening to her.

***

Izzie's voice, barely louder than a whisper woke Alex from his restless sleep, he pulled his chair up against her bed and reached for her hand. "Yes Iz," he said not wanting her to talk more than necessary.

"I," She looked him straight in the eye and grasped for his hands, "I want…" She couldn't get more than a few words out before needing to stop for air.

"It's okay," he told her, "Take your time." He didn't want her to stress herself, he was well aware of how sick she was. She nodded at him and tried to catch her breath; she gulped down air and then started coughing.

***

The coughing was scary, she couldn't breathe and cough at the same time, in between each burse she'd gasp for air. She couldn't get enough into her body though. Alex stood up and helped her lean forward, he rubbed her back and tried to help work the sputum out of her lungs. She hacked up a mouthful and spat it into the dish he held before falling back against the bed.

She reached for the oxygen mask and held it tight against her face, she tried to suck in as much oxygen as could while Alex continued to rub her back.

"Just breathe," he was telling her, "Don't try to talk just breath." She didn't argue with him, she couldn't but she hadn't told him what she wanted to.

She was still lying like that when Dr Bailey arrived at the door, she was holding a folder and a large envelope.

"Alex, Izzie," she said walking into the room. "I have your labs and chest x-ray." The way she said the words, the tone in her voice said the news wasn't good. Slowly she began explaining what the lab results meant, her body wasn't responding to the treatment, there were indications of a secondary infection, and she now had something called acute respiratory distress syndrome.

At those words she felt Alex grip tighter onto her hand and they both watched as the x-ray was placed in the light box. From where she sat she could see the pneumonia spreading, the cloudy area at the base of her lungs had expanded to cover almost half the area.

"I'm going to order a high dose broad spectrum antibiotic to treat the secondary infection." Bailey started telling them. "I'm not going to wait for the cultures to come back. Hopefully your body will respond to it however," She paused before continuing, "I don't think we can wait that long."

She began talking in words which went right over Izzie's head but Alex seemed to understand them, she watched the colour in his face begin to drain and felt the grip around her hand tighten.

"Your body is not absorbing enough oxygen." Bailey said beginning to talk in words she understood. "That's why your fingers are looking blue." Izzie nodded, she knew that, she didn't need the doctor telling her she was sick, she could feel it with every breath she took. "It's not good, we need to fix it now." She paused a moment, looked at Alex and then back at her. "It's time we talked about mechanical ventilation."

Mechanical ventilation, the words sent a bolt of fear running through Izzie. She knew what these words meant, it was the correct way of saying they wanted to put her to sleep and stick a tube down her throat.

"We'll be able to control the pressure in your lungs, it'll help open them up and get more oxygen absorbed into your blood." Bailey continued saying trying to sell the idea to her but it wasn't what she wanted.

"No," She said beginning to shake her head

"Izzie," She heard Alex say as he griped hold of her.

"It won't hurt," Bailey cut in thinking that was the problem, "We'll sedate you before we put it in."

"No," She shook her head again, it wasn't the pain she was afraid of, she was afraid if they put her to sleep she'd never wake up again.

"Izzie it will help," Alex tried to reassure her but it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"No," She closed her eyes and let tears form, she didn't want the ventilator, she had to tell Alex what she wanted, what she'd been thinking about all night. "I want…" She had to get the sentence out without coughing, without losing her breath. "I want to go to…the beach." She looked to Alex and hoped he understood what she was saying but he didn't, he looked back at her confused.

"You can't go to the beach Iz." He told her trying to smile. The look on his face said he had no idea what she was saying.

"Married…naked…on the beach…now." Saying those words was so hard, it was the closest she'd come to saying what she feared most out loud. Alex understood her now, the look on his face said he understood.


	22. Chapter 22

_"Married…naked…on the beach…now." Saying those words was so hard, it was the closest she'd come to saying what she feared most out loud. Alex understood her now, the look on his face said he understood. _From somewhere she heard the doctor excuse herself, say she'd be back in a little bit but the doctor wasn't important, not in that instance.

Hearing Izzie say those words took Alex's breath away, he felt like someone had punched him hard in the gut. A week ago he would have loved to have heard she'd given up on the big white wedding, that it wasn't what she wanted anymore but it was what she wanted.

She'd told him she'd been dreaming of this wedding since she was a little girl, she wasn't going to just give it up because he thought it was a good idea. She'd told him point blank she didn't want to get married naked on a beach; if he wanted to get naked on a beach they had their honeymoon to do that.

He'd laughed at the thought before dropping the subject, he was going to have to stop trying to convince Izzie his idea was better and just hang out for the honeymoon. That's what he'd thought then but now there were other things running through his mind, hearing her say that, it was like she was giving up.

"No Izzie," He said running his hands down her cheek. "You don't want that."

She looked back at him, there was a pleading look in her eyes, she wanted it, right in that moment it was what she wanted. "I want…to get…" It was horrible seeing her struggling so much, he tried to put the oxygen back on her but she pushed it away. "…Married."

"We will," He knew what she was getting at and it terrified him. "You're going to get better and we're going to have that big white wedding you've always wanted."

"No," she shook her head and tears started to form, "I want it now."

"Iz," Alex gulped, it was what she wanted, the sincerity in her eyes said it was what she wanted but it wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to give her what she wanted, he was afraid if he did she'd stop fighting, she'd let this illness win. "No. We're getting married at the church just like you planned. You're going to wear that beautiful white dress you won't let me see and you're going to walk down that aisle."

"Alex please," There was a fear and longing in her eyes, he hated doing this to her.

"No," He wasn't going to give her what she wanted not this time.

She started to cry and he forced the mask back over her face. For a minute they just sat there and then she was pulling it off again. "You love me." She said, as if that was enough to get her way.

"It is because I love you." He ran his hands down her face and tried to sooth her. "You have to keep fighting, fight for your wedding, fight for our future. I want to marry you Iz, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, have children with you. So no, we're not getting married on the beach, we're not getting married now. You're going to get better and we're going to get married then."

He said the words with as much conviction and determination as he could. He wasn't going to back down, this time he wasn't going to do what she wanted, what she asked him to. She closed her eyes and more tears ran down her face.

"I'm scared," She whispered telling Alex what he could already see.

"I know," He reached down and wiped the tears from her cheeks. He was scared too but he wasn't going to tell her that. "It's going to be okay." He told her instead. "You just have to let the doctors do what they need to do. You're going to get better."

She looked back at him and tried to smile through the fear, she was scared, she was scared if they put that tube down her throat, if they sedated her she'd never wake up. She was so scared of not waking up but she couldn't deny she wanted what Alex wanted; she wanted all of that too.

"I don't want to die." She whispered trying to pull him closer to her. He understood what she wanted and stood up, he climbed on the bed and pulled her into his arms. He held her as tight as he could and gently rubbed her arm.

"I don't want you to die Iz, I want you to get better." He whispered to her. "You're going to get better, and we're going to have that big white wedding, and then we're going to make beautiful babies. Okay?"

"Babies," She whispered the word and a little smile spread across her face.

"Yes," He'd found something she wanted more than a wedding, something she had to get better for. "You just have to go to sleep for a bit, you just have to concentrate on getting better and let the doctors do what they need to do." He kept rubbing her side and felt her begin to relax further into him. "I promise it's going to be okay." He whispered, "I promise I'll give you everything you want, the wedding, children, everything, you just have to get better." He blinked fighting back his own tears and waited for her to say something.

"Okay," She whispered after a moment. "Let them do it."

She whispered the words before drifting back to sleep. Alex sighed and gently kissed the top of her head, she looked almost peaceful when she slept but there was a war going on inside of her and it was going to get worse before it got better. Soon the doctors would be back to sedate her fully and place in the breathing tube. He liked the idea of her having it about as much as she did but he knew she needed it, she needed it to get better.

Quietly he sat holding her, waiting for the doctors to return, after a few minutes her door opened but it wasn't the doctors it was her mother.

"Hey," she said walking quietly into the room. "I spoke to Dr. Bailey she told me what she wants to do." She began saying, the concern and sadness evident in her voice. "This is serious isn't it?" She looked to him for an answer, she wanted him to say no but he couldn't.

"Yeah," He nodded, a sad tone to his voice. "It's serious."

She gave him a sad smiled and stepped closer, she reached for Izzie's hand and gently started rubbing it. The touch made Izzie groan and she opened her eyes.

"Mom," she whispered.

"Hey Cricket," her mom smiled and she sat down in the chair Alex had been in earlier. "How are you feeling today?"

"Okay," She replied trying to sit up, she didn't want to admit to how sick she was feeling. "Alex promised me everything." She smiled a little at her words.

"Everything?" Her mom gave both of them a coy smile.

"Yeah," Izzie's smile widened. "Wedding, honeymoon, babies, house, car." She was listing things he'd never mentioned but she didn't care, he'd said everything.

"Sounds wonderful." Her mom gave her a warm smile and squeezed her hand.

"Yeah," The thought of everything Alex had promised gave her a warm feeling, she used the feeling to push aside the fear, she didn't want to be scared anymore but it was so much work. "I'm tired." She sighed just as the door opened and the doctor who'd been in earlier walked in.

"How'd we go?" She asked directing the question at Alex and not at her.

"We're okay." Alex replied and he looked down at her. "It's time." He told her and he began climbing off the bed. He removed her pillows and tilted the bed back so it was flat.

She was staring straight up at the ceiling and couldn't sit up. She didn't like this, this in between stage. "I love you." Alex lent forward and whispered the words to her, he kissed her gently and she held on to him as tight as possible. It didn't take long for her eyes to drift shut and everything to go black.

Alex held Izzie until she was asleep, until he felt her lose consciousness. Only then did he step back and allow the doctors to take care of her, he didn't want to let her go but he had to. He turned to her mom and the older woman reached for him, she pulled him into an embrace and for a moment he let his guard down, he started to cry and she pulled him tighter. She held him until he seemed to relax, calm down, then she pulled away.

"You need to pull yourself together." She told him, "You've got a wedding to plan."

"What?" He looked back at her confused but she smiled.

"You promised her everything." She reminded him. "She's going to wake up expecting that big wedding."


	23. Chapter 23

When Alex promised Izzie her wedding he'd had no idea it would mean him organizing it. He'd been naive enough to think Izzie already had it all worked out, that all he needed to do was show up. Her mom put him straight on that thought real fast, Izzie had a lot of plans, a lot of ideas but not a lot of action, a lot needed to be done starting with the guest list and invitations. Izzie had been working on them for the previous week she had coloured pieces of paper cut to different sizes and a list of names scrawled on pieces of paper. Some of the names were marked, highlighted in different colours but most of them weren't, to him it didn't make any sense

"Iz," he stood up from his seat by the table in the corner and walked towards her bed. "What were you doing here?" He knew she couldn't answer but he had to ask, he couldn't help hoping she might react some way. She didn't though, she just lay there and he began running small circles over her hand.

He was still sitting there trying to get his head around her list of names when he heard a quiet tap and the door slowly open. Addison, his mentor appeared in the doorway, she tried to give him a smile and stepped into the room.

"They told me I'd find you here." She said stepping further into the room. "I thought you might like to know I finished off the Phillips baby's surgery." She smiled and he gave her a nod. The truth was he hadn't let the fate of any of his patients cross his mind since Izzie had been admitted. "He's doing really well." She continued, "and his parents have finally picked a name, Alexander."She smiled at him again. She was trying to make him feel better but it wasn't much good. "That's the third baby this year isn't it?"

"Forth," He said finally speaking. He was good at saving other people's babies, just not much good with his own family.

"Oh right." She smiled, but he could tell she was uncomfortable being there. She glanced at Izzie and then back at him. "How's she doing?"

"Okay," It was all he could say without going into details and he didn't want to do that. The room went an uncomfortable silent, Addison shifted her weight on the spot, unsure if she should leave or stay. Alex stared down at the paper in his hands, the list of names he didn't understand. "Addison," He said just as she'd made up her mind to leave. "You're a woman, you've been married."

"Yeah," She didn't understand his question.

"Can you work out what Izzie's doing with this list of names?"

He handed the list to her and watched as she looked over the names, she read them twice before handing them back. "I think Izzie's trying to group people. The green names they're people she worked with here. The white names I recognize some of them from here." She walked over to him and started pointing out names, people who he'd started working with in the last few years. "The rest of these white ones, are they your friends and family?" He stared at the names and then they all just clicked, he understood what Izzie was doing.

"Yes," He smiled feeling like he was actually getting somewhere. "And the yellow ones are Izzie's friends. I can't believe I didn't see that sooner." He almost laughed at how simple the list was he should have realized Izzie wasn't going to do something overly complicated.

"Sometimes these things just need a woman's eye." She chuckled with him and took a step away. "I should head off now," She began. "Take care of yourself Alex."

"Thanks," He smiled a little but the feeling of accomplishment was quickly replaced by the empty feeling he'd had before Addison's arrival. He didn't want to leave Izzie but he liked the company, any ones company. "You can stay if you like." He offered. "Help me put together these invitations."

She almost laughed at his suggestion. "I don't make invitations." She informed him. "I pay people to make invitations."

***

It took Alex and everyone he could talk into helping him two days to make all one hundred and thirty invitations for the two hundred and twenty people on Izzie's list. It was crazy how many people Izzie was inviting, a few of the names he wasn't even sure why they were on there, he crossed a couple out but he didn't want to take too many off, he didn't want to change what Izzie had been doing. Still there were so many people, he couldn't quite work out how they were all going to fit inside the tiny church but he was trying not to think about that. The wedding had to be perfect, it had to be everything Izzie wanted and more which meant he wasn't going to start messing with her guest list.

"Izzie," He got up from his table of decorative papers and envelops and walked over to her bed. "I finished the invitations." He told her. "Everyone we know is going to be in Seattle on August 12th for us. They're all going to be here so you've got till then to get better." He lent forward and kissed her temple and not for the first time he wished she was better now, that they didn't have to go through this again.

It seemed unfair, to Izzie, to him, that she would have to fight for her life again. She'd already done it once it wasn't fair that she had to do it again, that he had to sit through it again but life isn't fair and it's not meant to be easy. That was one of Izzie's favourite sayings; she said it to try and make sense of her life, to help her accept what had happened to her. She never said it out loud but he knew she missed being a doctor, and he knew she hated all the meds she was on.

Carefully he stroked the side of her face and kissed her again. "I love you," he told her. "Our wedding is going to be beautiful. I'm going to make sure it's beautiful." He smiled at the thought of it, the idea of their wedding always made him smile but at the back of his mind there was always the thought that it wouldn't be a wedding everyone would be gathered for. A tear started to run down his face, he quickly wiped it away with the back of his hand and continued talking about the wedding. He talked about making the invitations, and asked her questions he knew she wouldn't answer and then answered them himself.

He was still sitting there when the door creaked open, he lifted his head to see who was there and smiled when he saw it was Meredith.

"Hey Alex," she greeted walking into the room. "How's Izzie?"

"Getting better." That had become his standard response to the question. In her room when he was with her he never said more than a few words. Detailed updates were left for in the corridor. Meredith understood, she knew how to read between the lines of his answer. She smiled at him and walked over to the table with the invitations on it.

"You finish all these?" She asked picking up one of the envelopes.

"Yep," He smiled, the feeling of accomplishment coming across in his voice. "They're all done and ready to be taken to the post office." He stood up and joined her at the table. "Are you still okay to take them for me?"

"Yeah," She smiled, she wanted to help Alex out and that was one thing she didn't think she could mess up. "I can take them now or in the morning if you'd like me to stay for a bit."

It was tempting to ask Meredith to stay. He would have liked her company but the invitations should have been in the mail a week ago. He asked her take them and if she had time to pop by later then he went back to talking to Izzie. With the invitations taken care of the next thing on his list was finalizing the flower arrangements.

***

Three days after the invitations went out Alex received his first RSVP. He was sitting in Izzie's room, he'd hardly left it, with Meredith and Cristina, they were talking work because they'd run out of other things to talk about when the call came. It was one of his mates from college.

"Hey Alex!" His old friend had said down the phone. "I got your wedding invite. Congratulations, I never would have picked you as the first in our group to settle down."

"I know, me either." He kept the tone of his voice light not wanting his friend to know what was going on. "But when you find that woman, you've got to go for it."

"Defiantly!" His friend seemed to beam down the line. "So I was just phoning to say, I'll be there."

"Great." Alex smiled at his first response.

"And one question. I searched for your gift registry and the store said it wasn't listed."

"What?" The one word came out of his mouth without him even thinking. It was the last thing he was expecting to hear. He quickly began running through his head everything he knew about the registry, about what Izzie had told him. As he thought his friend kept talking about what they'd told him and then he remembered. A few days before everything started going pear shaped Izzie had been asking him to go down to the shop with her to pick presents. She'd wanted them to do it together and he'd blown her off about, told her she could pick them. She'd never picked the presents. He thanked his friend and hung up the phone as quickly as possible.

"Alex is everything okay?" Meredith asked him.

"No," he shook his head. "The registry has no presents on it."


	24. Chapter 24

Standing at the entrance to Macy's Alex took a deep breath. He didn't want to be at the department store, he wanted to be with Izzie but the gift registry needed to be fixed and no one was going to do it for him. He tried to get her mom to do it, he thought she would know what to pick but she said it wasn't her place to pick their presents. Instead she offered to stay with Izzie while he went and then told him it would do him some good to get out of the hospital for a bit.

He tried to argue with her but deep down he knew she was right on both points. He needed to get out of the hospital, and it wasn't right for someone else to pick their presents, not without them being there.

"Are you alright Alex?" The voice beside him belonged to Meredith. He'd managed to talk her into coming with him, told her he couldn't do it on his own and he needed a woman's eye. She'd agreed to come but he got the feeling she felt about as uncomfortable he as did being there.

"Yeah," He shook his head. "Izzie should be here for this."

"I know," He felt her rest her hand against his shoulder. "But she's not, she can't be."

"I know," He ran his hand over his head and took another deep breath. "I don't know what I'm doing Mer, how am I supposed to know what she wants."

"You just will," She used her hand to give him a little push forward. "Let's go inside we'll work it out."

Inside the store was busy, crowded, there was some kind of sale on which Alex didn't understand or care about he just wanted to get this registry mess fixed and go back to the hospital. The lady at the counter was helpful enough, she gave him a form to fill out with their details, a check list to help him work out what they should choose, and a couple of scanning guns she assured him would keep track of everything he chose. The hardest part was when the woman assumed Meredith was the bride; she tried to make a joke about Alex's obvious concern about picking the right stuff. She said something about most grooms not caring too much about the presents and to just let his bride get the ball rolling, that he'd work it out soon enough. Her words didn't help; they just compounded his feelings of guilt and anxiety, made him feel horrible that he hadn't done this with Izzie when she'd asked, that he'd thought so little of it. He walked away before she could say anything more, before she could hit at anymore of his insecurities.

He walked to the front of the store and began systematically making his way through the list of suggested gift items. He started with bed linen, he thought picking sheets would be easy but it wasn't. He couldn't just pick the first one he saw Meredith explained, there were different colours, thread counts, materials, warmth ratings, and they had to match whatever quilt cover set he chose. It was overwhelming and complicated in a way he never imagined, he wanted to pull his hair out as he stared at the dozens of different quilt sets. There were, reds, and greens, and blacks, browns, golds, blues, there were flowers, patterns, and Chinese characters. He wanted to pick Izzie's favorite but his eyes kept going back to this blood red set with gold trim. He pulled them off the shelf to have a closer look, they were made of silk, they were nice.

"Izzie would like them." Meredith offered, watching Alex turn the packet over and over in his hand, then she reached over and scanned it. "One present down." She smiled, "just one hundred or so more to go." She pulled the packet from his hands and placed it back on the shelf. "Come on I just saw the perfect sheets to go with that."

That's how it went one department after the other Alex would find things he liked or he thought Izzie might like and Meredith would help him make decisions, tell him what he'd chosen wasn't right or more often tell him it was perfect. He picked a formal dining set, it was white with gold edging, simple but elegant. He picked sauce pans and frying pans, they already had some but they were old, new ones would be nice. He went nuts in the baking section, picked an entire new set of baking pans and trays, he was sure Izzie would want them, she was always running out of trays.

"Alex come over here!" Meredith called from the next section of the store. She'd moved on from baking and was now at small appliances. Alex put down the three different sized muffin trays he was admiring and walked over. "What colour appliances do you want?" She asked when he reached her. "White, black, chrome, or brushed?" He watched as she pointed at each appliance in turn, in front of her were four toasters identical in every way but colour.

"Umm…" He stared at each toaster and tried to remember what Izzie had said when she'd been going on about them buy a bigger house. She'd gone on and on about what her dream kitchen would look like. "Chrome." He said deciding she liked the shinny one.

"Okay," Meredith smiled at his response and then he watched her register them for one of everything.

"Mere," He went after her, catching her as she paused in front of an ice-cream maker. "We don't need half this stuff."

"No," She gave him a little smile. "But think how much fun you could have with it. Imagine the ice-creams Izzie could make."

An image of Izzie standing in a brand new shiny kitchen making ice-cream came into Alex's head, the image was nice, perfect even. "Okay," He said and he scanned the machine before Meredith had a chance too.

They finished small appliances and moved onto kitchen gadgets, they needed some low ticket items which their friends and family from back home, the ones who hadn't left and become doctors could afford to buy. Silicon spatulas, apple corers, tongs, barbeque stuff, some random looking thing Alex couldn't quite work what it did but it looked cool, it matched the chrome look they were going for.

It took them several hours to go through the whole store but in the end they had a nice long list of stuff people could buy them. Some of it they didn't think they'd get, Alex had added a new lounge set to the list but they needed it, he had to at least try.

"We did good Alex," Meredith said as they walked out the store. She had a copy of the registry and was eyeing off all the items they'd selected. "Even if you only get half this stuff you'll be a head. Izzie's going to love it. Makes me think marrying Derek might not be such a bad idea." She laughed at her last comment and made Alex smile.

"Yeah we did." As much as he didn't want to admit it he'd kind of had fun choosing all the presents. He couldn't wait to see Izzie's face when she got to open the gifts, there were things on the list he was sure she would go nuts over.


	25. Chapter 25

Sitting quietly in Izzie's room Alex lifted the end of her bed sheet and began massaging her feet. He wasn't sure if she liked it, it wasn't something he'd normally do but he'd seen someone else doing it for a patient and it seemed like a good idea. She responded well to the touch, her stats jumped just the slightest amount.

It had been almost two weeks now since she'd been admitted, ten days since she'd been put on the vent. So far it seemed to be working she'd been getting better, slowly her body was clearing the infection from her lungs. Now they were waiting for the results of her latest blood work and chest x-ray. If they were good enough they were going to take her off the sedatives and run a spontaneous breathing test, if she past they would try to take her off the vent.

Alex hoped she'd pass the test; he wanted her off the vent so bad. Having her off it would make everything between them so much easier, she'd be able to communicate with him and he wouldn't have to keep guessing what she'd like.

The door to the room opened and Dr. Bailey came in with one of the hospitals respiratory therapists. She was smiling that was a good sign, Bailey only smiled when there was good news.

"Her lungs are almost clear." Bailey said sticking the x-ray up for him to see. "The shadow at the bottom appears to be scaring but the infection is almost gone." She smiled at him pleased to be giving him good news. "We'll discontinue the sedatives now and when she's fully conscious we'll see about removing the vent."

"Okay," Alex nodded but he could feel the excitement building up inside him. It was really going to happen, she was going to be awake, he was going to be able to talk to her for the first time in ten days and with some luck she'd be talking to him by the end of the day too.

It took several hours for the sedatives to work their way out of her system. During that time Alex wouldn't leave her side, not even for a second, he didn't want to miss the moment she'd start to stir.

***

Her head felt full, cloudy, it was a feeling she was familiar with but it still felt foreign. She couldn't remember what had happened, why she felt like this, where she was. Around her she could hear voices talking but she couldn't follow the conversation it was just noise. Then she heard a click and felt air being forced into her lungs, felt a tube running down her throat and she panicked.

***

Her heart rate suddenly started climbing, it had been completely stable for days and now it was rising fast. She was starting to stir, and beginning to panic, quickly Alex stood up and moved to the head of bed.

***

She had to get it out, the tube she had to get it out, it wasn't meant to be there. Fear started running through her joined by a rush of adrenalin. She'd been completely paralyzed but now she could move, she could pull the tube out.

***

Her arm flew up and made a beeline for the tube. Alex grabbed her hands before she could reach it.

"Iz," he said beginning to talk to her.

***

Something was holding her, stopping her from moving, she tried to pull against it, she needed to get the tube out, if she could just get the tube out she'd feel better.

***

He wasn't expecting her to have the strength she did, her arms kept pulling and thrashing against his.

"Izzie this is Alex. You're at the hospital, you've been sick." He started telling her. "You need to calm down before you hurt yourself." She kept pushing against him. "You need to calm down." He kept his voice as level as possible he needed to sooth her, stop the panic which was running through her.

***

"It's going to be okay Iz, you're at the hospital, you need to calm down."

Through the fear a voice started breaking through, a voice she could never forget. Firm, level, and completely calm Alex was soothing her.

"Iz you need to relax, stop fighting." He was telling her and because it was Alex, she did what he said.

She used all her energy to calm herself down, to relax enough to allow this horrible machine to breath for her.

***

It was working, she was calming down. Alex could feel the resistance against him decreasing. He let go of one of her arms and stroked the side of her face. "That's it." He told her and then she opened her eyes.

Her big brown eyes stared up at him, he could see in them fear and confusion. She'd stopped fighting but that hadn't taken away those feelings.

***

It took a moment for her to focus, for her to see Alex clearly. He was smiling down at her, he looked relieved and happy but behind those feelings she could see fatigue and worry. She couldn't remember what had happened but she could tell by looking at him it was bad.

***

She was still scared, she wasn't fighting him but he could see it in her eyes and on her monitors, her heart was still racing. She tried to lift her arm again he knew what she wanted, she wanted to pull the tube out but it was too soon.

"Iz you need to stop." He told her trying to keep her calm. "Don't fight the machine. It's helping you. You've been very sick."

***

Slowly Alex started telling her what happened; he began telling her how sick she'd been and how important it was that she stayed calm. He gave her encouragement the longer she was able to do it.

"That's good Iz," He told her when she finally managed to sync her breathing with the machine. He ran his hand down the side of her face and kissed her forehead. "You're doing well." He reached down and clasped each of her hands in his. "You need to do what I tell you. Okay?"

She wanted to say yes but she couldn't, she tried to nod, but she wasn't sure if she did.

"I want you to squeeze both my hands." He looked straight at her as he said the words, his eyes did not leave hers. She understood what he said, what he wanted her to do, it was just getting her body to obey which was hard. She wanted to squeeze his hands, she knew she had to if she wanted the tube out, but it was hard. She hadn't moved in days and mustering the coordination needed, her body didn't want to cooperate.

"Iz, you need to do this for me." Alex started telling her again. "I need to know you understand me and can follow instructions."

She understood him. Every word he said she could hear and understand, communicating this was her problem. "Iz?" She wanted him to know and not knowing what else to do she blinked once, after a moment she blinked again twice.

Come on Alex work it out she kept thinking, he had to work it out.

***

She understood him, he could tell she understood him but without her communicating, without her following his instructions he couldn't know. He looked into her eyes and tried to think, he watched her blink, once, a moment later twice.

"Iz do you understand me?" He asked. He watched her blink twice, two strong purposeful blinks.

"Do you know where you are?" Two more blinks. She was trying to communicate with him, yes and no, she could do yes and no.

"Are you at home?" He had to ask a no question, make sure the blinks weren't just a reflex. She blinked once.

"Are you at the hospital?" Twice.

Alex smiled, she understood him, there was no doubt in his mind she understood him, they were communicating. He bent down and kissed her forehead again. "You're doing well." He told her again. "Just a little bit more." She blinked two more times, and his smiled widened.

"Do you know who I am?" Twice.

"Is my name Robert?" Once.

"Alex?" Twice.

"Are we married?" Once.

"Are we getting married?" Twice. His smile spread and he kissed her again, he squeezed down hard on her hands. It was going well.

***

Alex's smile was warm, it made her feel safe. "You're doing so well." Told her again. "You've past the first test." He looked away from her for a moment and turned to a person behind him, he gave them a nod and she heard them move. "We're going to change the settings on the vent now." He began explaining to her. "When we flick the switch it's going to stop breathing for you. You're going to have to breathe on your own. Do you understand?"

She understood, she blinked twice. "Good. Are you ready?" She blinked twice, she was ready, she'd been ready from the moment she'd woken. "Okay." Alex reached for the oxygen mask and placed it over her face then he nodded at the person behind him.

The machine was flicked over, it stopped filling her lungs with air and even though she knew it was going to happen, she wanted it to happen it felt sudden. "Just breathe Izzie." She heard Alex tell her. "You have to breathe."

She knew that, she knew she had to breathe but she wasn't, the reflex wasn't there, she had to think about it. Concentrating she began filling her lungs with air, it was hard, with the tube still down her throat it felt like she was breathing through a straw. After fifteen minutes she was exhausted and her lungs were screaming in pain. Her eyes were starting to water and she couldn't keep going.

***

Her monitor beeped, Alex glanced up at the screen and shook his head, her stats were starting to drop, she wasn't getting enough oxygen in. He shook his head, that wasn't what he wanted to happen.

"Iz, we have to stop." He told her, "You're not getting enough oxygen. We have to turn the vent back on."

***

His words didn't surprise her, she knew she was failing the test. She was in too much pain for it to be going right. "You've failed the test." He told her, unable to hide the sadness from his voice. "We'll try again tomorrow." She blinked twice her attempt at telling him it was okay, that she understood.

He lent forward and kissed her cheek and she felt the machine start working again. She felt her lungs fill with air and the oxygen begin traveling through her body.

"Tomorrow," she heard Alex mutter, "It'll work tomorrow." She tried to nod but he wasn't talking to her anymore just himself.


	26. Chapter 26

Izzie failing the breathing test shook Alex up, he'd wanted her to pass so much he hadn't even considered she could fail. He hadn't prepared himself mentally for what failure would mean. Failure meant a new plan, protocol, getting Izzie off the vent was going to be a much slower process than he'd anticipated.

Her doctors were away working out the specifics of the plan but he had a good idea how it would happen. They'd have to do it slowly, give her lungs a chance to get stronger and build up endurance. The thought of it made heart ache; the next week was going to be so much harder than the last one.

The last week had been trying and stressful, he'd been worried about Izzie but there hadn't been a lot he could do for her. He kept her company but she'd been so heavily sedated he didn't even know if she could hear him, and he'd had the wedding stuff. Organizing the wedding had been keeping him busy and was a welcome distraction from the monotony of the hospital, of playing the role of the loved one.

He wouldn't be able to do that this week, Izzie needed him to be with her. Her sedatives were much lighter now, if he shook her hard enough he could get her to wake and she'd wake on her own too. Every few hours she'd stir and become agitated, she'd try to pull at her tube and move around in the bed, when ever that happened he had to calm her down, sooth her back to sleep.

It was hard, he hated that she had to be so uncomfortable, that he couldn't just take the tube out but he knew she needed it and she knew she needed it. If he talked to her and explained what was happening she would always calm down but he had to do it every time she woke. Almost every time she would freak out a little, panic and not remember what was happening to her. It was exhausting explaining it to her over and over but there wasn't any other option. On a good day Izzie had problems with her memory, now with the extra medications running through her system getting her to retain anything between sleeps was virtually impossible.

***

The days went by in a painfully slow regular pattern. In the morning they'd completely stop the sedatives, wait for her to become fully conscious and then change the settings on the vent. They were using positive pressure now to assist her and every day they'd make her work a little harder. It was working, she was getting stronger, every day she worked harder, and every day she did better.

The breathing tests lasted a couple of hours and then they'd turn the vent back on and let her rest. They'd sedate her just enough to make her comfortable but not enough to make her unconscious and then let her sleep until late afternoon when they'd do it all over again.

They were at day three now, two more days and it should be over. It was late morning; Izzie lay in bed sleeping while Alex sat in a chair beside her reading a book about writing a wedding service. Izzie wanted a church wedding and he had no idea what that entailed. The book was eye opening and surprising, like so many things with this wedding there was more to it than he could have imagined and it was slightly overwhelming. Sighing he ran his hand over his head and glanced over at Izzie, she was looking incredibly peaceful today, her chest rising and falling with the click of the machine. For a moment he just sat there watching her and then the door to her room started opening.

He expected it to be one Izzie's doctors or nurses but it wasn't, standing in the door was a young woman. She was holding a baby and looked incredibly unsure of herself. She stood in the doorway, not sure whether she should go in or not. Alex stared at her trying to work out where he knew her from, why she was there.

"You can come in." He told her wanting her to come closer.

She took a step forward and glanced at Izzie, he watched her eyes quickly turn away. "I thought she'd be awake by now." She said her voice shaking just a little.

"Not yet," Alex sigh and then he finally recognized the girl. Last time he'd seen her she'd just had a baby, she looked quite different now.

"Okay." He could tell she was uncomfortable being there. "I wanted to talk to her and a lady at your apartment said that she was here, that she was sick. I thought she'd be better." The girl looked sad, she had her body angled towards the door, she wanted to leave.

"She's getting better." Alex said picking his words very carefully. "You can still talk to her." He stood up from his chair and stepped towards her. "She can hear what you're saying and she'd probably like some company beside mine."

He could see the pull in the girl's eyes; she was looking for a reason to leave. "I…" Right on cue her baby started crying. "I should go." She took a step away but Alex stepped after her.

"Kate," he said using her name for the first time. She stopped, looked back at him, surprised that he knew it. "Stay. I'll take him for you." She looked down at her child and then back at him, she didn't look convinced. "You've come all the way down here. You should talk to Izzie."

She still looked unsure but she'd stopped moving away. Alex walked the final steps towards her and held out his arms. "I'm good with babies." He told her. "He'll be okay." It was with much reluctance that she handed her son over. Alex smiled and pointed to the chair he was in earlier. "You can sit there," he began instructing. "Take her hand so she knows you're there and just talk."

She sat down in the chair and did as Alex told her, she wrapped her hand around Izzie's and smiled up at him, he gave her a nod encouraging her to talk and slowly she began speaking.

"Hi Izzie, it's me Kate." She began saying. "I've got some good news. I got a letter in the mail from one of the colleges. I'm in, full scholarship and all."

Alex watched as the girl began telling Izzie everything. Once she started talking the words seemed to flow freely from her mouth. It was amazing to watch, to see firsthand the impact Izzie had had on this girls life. She talked about the classes she could take, the day care the school offered, and thanked Izzie profusely for all her help and support. It was amazing to hear and Izzie seemed to react well to it as well. She woke up a little without getting agitated; instead she just rolled her head sideways and opened her eyes. She stared at Kate as she talked to her and it was beautiful.

That afternoon was amazing, one of the better ones he'd had since this mess had started. Izzie showed clear signs of improvement and he had new company. He liked Kate; the girl had spunk and reminded him of Izzie. He could see Izzie being just like her when she was younger, full of determination and potential. And he loved her baby as well. It had been several weeks since he'd held a baby and he hadn't realized how much he missed it. For the first time it made him wish with the longing and need Izzie had for their own children.

The hours went by quickly and soon it was time for Izzie's afternoon breathing. Alex told Kate she could stay but she'd already stayed later than she'd planned. She left just as they cut the sedatives off completely.

***

Izzie felt trapped in her own body, like there was a fog inside her head and she couldn't get through it. She hated the feeling, she wanted to get off the sedatives and off the vent so bad. She wanted to be able to talk, communicate, and remember things. At the moment that was hard to impossible, communicating was limited to blinking with the occasional hand squeeze and her memory was shot. Sometimes she'd wake up and know exactly what was happening to her but most of the time she had no idea, she relied on someone to remind her and then it would all start flooding back.

She could remember the failed breathing test and how scary it was to not be able to breathe properly, and she remembered all the tests since then. None of those had been as scary and now they were downright frustrating, she was ready to breathe on her own, it had been five days since the first failed test, she was ready.

"Izzie," She felt Alex trying to rouse her from her semiconscious state, he had his hand on her shoulder and was shaking her gently. "You have to wake up, it's time." He told her. "One more quick test and you're breathing on your own." There was excitement in his voice, she opened her eyes and looked towards him. "There you are." He smiled down at her and she felt his hand squeeze down on hers. "Are you ready?" She gave him the two blinks he was accustomed to seeing and his smile spread. "Good. Now you have to sit up more for this one." He began adjusting the bed until she was sitting upright then he reached around her and slipped on a nasal cannula. "Okay, we're turning the vent off now."

She felt the machine stop working and she squeezed down hard on his hand, she concentrated on breathing properly and after fifteen minutes she still felt good. There was no way she was going to fail the test again, she wouldn't let herself. After thirty minutes she was still going strong and Alex told her it was enough, they were going to extubate her.

"You need to take a deep breath," He told her, "and then blow out as hard as you can." She nodded, did as he said, and as she blew out she felt the tube slide up and out her airway.

The first breath she took without the constraints and assistance of the machine wasn't what she was expecting. It hurt, she hadn't expected her mouth and throat to be so dry and raw feeling, breathing now had a new form of uncomfortable, and she couldn't talk, she could move her mouth but no sound came out. Alex saw her discomfort, he reassured her it was okay, that it was normal and wouldn't feel like that for too long, that she'd get her voice back soon enough. She nodded and for the first time in weeks she gave him a smile.

***

Her smile was beautiful, and it gave Alex a warming feeling inside. She was still there and it was going to be okay. She was breathing well on her own, she looked a bit uncomfortable but she was keeping her oxygen levels up.

After that the hours seemed to race by, Alex started telling Izzie all about the wedding and all the work he'd done for it. She got excited, her smile just kept getting wider and a few times she even clapped. She'd beaten the hard part, now all she had to do was finish healing.


	27. Chapter 27

Alex walked down the corridor of the hospital with an extra bounce in his step. In his hands he carried two bags full of food samples from the caterer he'd hired. He'd been talking to them all afternoon and they'd told him if he could finalize his menu in the next two days they'd give him a discount. It was an offer he didn't want to miss out on, he'd been surprised by how much the wedding was costing them.

He walked into Izzie's room to find her sitting up in bed looking at a magazine of hair styles. It had been nearly two weeks since she'd been off the vent and she was almost ready for discharge, a few more days is what they were saying, they wanted to make sure she was one hundred percent before they let her leave, when she walked out those doors they didn't want her coming back anytime soon.

"Hey Iz," He said placing the bags down at his feet and kissing her. "How are feeling?"

"Good," she smiled before adding, "I'm hungry, they haven't brought my dinner yet."

"Oh that would be my fault." He lifted up the bags and began pulling out containers. "I told them to hold your dinner because I was bringing you these."

She watched him pull out the containers one by one and her face began to light up. She recognized the logos on the lids they were the wedding caterers.

"I got us a deal on the food but the catch was we have to decide tonight." He started telling her. "So I thought instead of me making all the decisions I could bring the food here and let you help."

"Let me help?" She raised an eye brow and let out a half laugh. "I thought you didn't want me helping?"

Doing all the work had been Alex's thing for the last few weeks, he wanted her to just concentrate on getting better, not worry about anything else so he'd been making all the decisions, telling her it would be a surprise.

He smiled at her; let her know he knew she was just playing. "Well this helping you can do. This isn't work so much as…improving your diet."

"Oh right," She gave him a half wink as he opened the first container.

"This," He said carefully scooping the food onto a fork. "Is spinach and ricotta ravioli with a tomato and basil sauce."

She smiled wider as he brought it to her mouth, she opened wide and let him feed her. The sauce dribbled down her chin and she started laughing.

"It's good," she said wiping the mess.

"Yeah?" He asked giving some to himself.

"Yep," She smiled helping herself to more.

The first dish was good but the second one; snapper with a light dill sauce was even better, and the third just as good. After tasting nearly thirty dishes all they knew was they'd picked a good caterer. They were both full and confused.

"How many can we pick?" Izzie asked eyeing off the empty containers she wanted them all but knew it wasn't possible.

" Three entrées, three mains, and two deserts." Alex replied checking the order card.

"Okay," She began sorting the containers into courses and main ingredients. She knew what she had to do, they needed a red meat, a fish, and a vegetarian option. Splitting meals into smaller decisions helped. "This one, this one, and that one." She pulled out three entrées, and smiled at Alex. "How's that?" she asked.

"Great." Alex smiled, relieved that Izzie had made a decision on one thing.

She smiled back and pointed to the containers of mains. "Okay, now it's your turn."

He looked at the containers, at the groups Izzie had placed them in. Just pick them he thought to himself and he pulled out one from each group. He looked to Izzie for approval, she seemed content with his choices. Now it just left desert.

"One each." He said picking up an empty container. He used his finger to scoop up some remains of ice-cream and licked it off. He watched Izzie's face, a coy smile spread across her lips, she picked up a container and did the same thing. He picked up a third, ran his finger around the edge, and then lent closer to her, she lent in, licked the sweet tasting cream from his finger and then pulled him in all the way. She kissed him, he tasted like raspberries and cream, and in that moment she wished they weren't stuck in the hospital, she'd be pulling his clothes off now if they weren't. Alex saw what she was thinking, the hunger in her eyes, he knew how to work with what they had. He slid closer to her, slipped his hand around her back and under her gown.

She giggled, Alex wasn't usually this forward in the hospital, but then she usually didn't stay this long either. With his other hand he reached for another container, sat it down beside them and ran his finger along it. She followed suit and together they fed each other. Her mouth filled with a sweet coffee flavored cream. She couldn't get enough of the coffee, she loved the flavor and hadn't been able to drink for nearly two years.

They licked the desert containers clean and when they were done they both had a good idea which ones they wanted, a coffee panna cotta in a mocha cup, and frozen raspberry parfait with raspberry coulis and a Tuile biscuit. The idea of both made their mouths water.

"We did good." Izzie mused as she watched Alex pack the remaining containers into their bags.

"Yeah, we make a good team." He placed the last bag in the corner and walked back to the bed. She slid over to make room for him, and then curled up against him. He could still smell the raspberries on her breath.

"I wish we could get out of here." She began saying.

"I know," he sighed, running his hand through her hair. "It shouldn't be much longer."

"Yeah," She let out a sigh and closed her eyes, if she listened really closely she could hear his heart beating. She liked the sound, let her know they were both alive.

"You tired?" he asked feeling her start to fall asleep against him.

"No," She whispered back, "just resting my eyes."

He smiled at her denial; he knew if he let her be she'd be asleep in ten minutes. "Okay, if you say so." He lent down and kissed her forehead, and began just rubbing her arm.

They lay like that for five minutes and then the door creped open. Dr Bailey, stepped in and Alex shook Izzie awake.

"I've been reviewing your latest test results." She began saying. "Provided nothing happens tonight you can go home tomorrow."


End file.
